2005: A Year In Review

JANUARY
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? To lose weight ... still trying to achieve that resolution ... here's to 2006!
2. Who kissed you at midnight? My husband?? I don't know ... I can't even remember what the heck we did last year.
3. Did it snow where you live? I'm sure it snowed at some point during the month of January ... this is Chicago afterall
4. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? No, but I bet that would be pretty cool

FEBRUARY
1. Who was your valentine? Mike
2. What did your valentine get you? LOL I can't remember
3. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class? Yeah, only because we were made feel like we "had to"

MARCH
1. Are you Irish? Nope
2. Did you wear green on St. Patty's Day? I doubt it
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day? Nothing special

APRIL
1. Do you like the rain? Not really, usually puts me in a crappy mood
2. Did you play an April Fool's joke on anyone this year? No
3. Did you get tons of candy on Easter? No, didn't buy the kids alot either

MAY
1. What's your favorite kind of flower? Any that are given to me!
2. Do you like the spring? Yes, aside from the allergies
3. Finish the phrase: "April showers bring...": Itchy, watery eyes and sneezing
4. What would you think of as a spring color?: Pink, lavender and mint green

JUNE
1. What year did you graduate from school?: Class of '98
2. Did you go on any vacations last June?: No

JULY
1. What did you do on the 4th of July? BBQ at my sister's
2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?: No

AUGUST
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer? Moved into our brand new house
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05? Watching our new house in the final stages of being built
3. Did you go swimming a lot in the summer? I don't think I swam once this year
4. Did you go to the beach a lot? Nope

SEPTEMBER
1. Did you attend school/college in '05? No
2. Who is/was your favorite teacher? Mrs. Arizpe back in junior high
3. Did you like fall better than summer? Yes, fall is my favorite season

OCTOBER
1. What was your favorite Halloween costume ever? I can't remember
2. What's your favorite candy? Heath bars, Mon Cherie, or just a basic Hershey bar covered in Jif peanutbutter (too bad those aren't handed out for trick-or-treats)
3. What did you dress up like this year? Nothing

NOVEMBER
1. Whose house did you go to for Thanksgiving? My brother and SIL
2. Do you like stuffing? It was Stove Top (my favorite), but it was too greasy from the turkey "juice"
3. What are you thankful for? My family and friends

DECEMBER
1. Do you celebrate Christmas? Yes-sir-ee
2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? Yep
3. What did you want this year for Christmas? Nikon D50 digital camera
4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas? How about my first born child, 13 days before Christmas, 4 years ago :)
5. Do you like cold weather? Yes, for a little while at least
6. How would you rate your year on a scale of 1-10? 7 - it was a very good year overall, but losing my Grams was a hard part

2am

Here it is after 2 in the morning. I'm hoping my husband walks in any minute.

I'm in need of cuddling. No, nothing sexual. Just honest cuddling. I'm beginning to feel a lack of "togetherness" and spooning may just help that.

I just can't even begin to explain how depressing it is to go to sleep alone, and when you wake in the morning to get ready for work, your spouse is still asleep since they got in so late - so you quietly get ready, kiss them goodbye, and by the time you get home from your long day, your spouse has already been back at work again for hours and it's days before you actually get to "connect" and talk to them again.

It's sad.

Thank you Douchebag P. at BS for keeping my husband from me, and our children. (note: heavy sarcasm)

Brief Job Bullshit

I'm at work, and getting ready to call it a day.

Just wanted to briefly update. Mike is totally unhappy at work. It's a long story, but he's pissed. He's calling the guy that hired him (I forget what his *title* is -- he's like an area manager or something like that, where he oversees many stores, etc) and asking him to come into the store. He wants to talk to him, and also wants him to view the security tape from Christmas Eve. There is a "new manager journal" on the office PC (one that Mike has access to and MUST use to complete his job) and it's a long list of "complaints" and "problems" and "things he does wrong", etc. Well, most recently, she wrote down that on 12/24, as everyone else was closing, Mike was up front playing the crane (grabbing) machine. It's right by the front door - where the security camera is. Mike never touched the thing and was HELPING another employee do pie counts, etc while he was supposedly playing with this thing.

My point is this -- if she feels the need to lie about things like that, what else is she lying about? It might be in the company's best interest to investigate her and how honest her work ethics are.

Bottom line - Mike's going to tell him he wants to be moved to another store NOW. He's had it. The past 3 weeks of scheduling and this upcoming week, he's been scheduled to close EVERY day he works. He hasn't been home before 2am in a month. And, he's scheduled to close on New Year's Eve which is 10pm. Meaning, he's had to work and close EVERY holiday so far; Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and now New Years. It's getting ridiculous. I'm not sure what this general manager has against him - but apparently there's something. Her claims and accusations are mostly bogus, but Mike can suck it up and agree that not everything is false (coffee machines were left on one night - and he said yes, he did forget to check them before he left). Otherwise, she complains that he is not doing the closing properly, yet he is scheduled to close every single night that he works (which is 5 days/week). She claims he's been talking on his cell phone alot (I know this is false, the few times I've tried calling him on his cell, it's always rang and rang and gone to voice mail). She says he "hides" in the server isle during his entire shift (I know my husband, and he's a people person - which is why he hasn't taken an office job where he'd be dealing with people over the phone -- he's about face-to-face communication). She also goes on to write that the other staff "takes advantage of him" -- well, how do they take advantage? And if they are in some way, shouldn't that be stopped? How is that Mike's fault? Then she even writes that some servers call him "stupid" and that it's "like having a teenage babysitter there". What the FUCK does that have to do with how Mike does his job?? That is someone's OPINION -- and IN MY OPINION, that isn't something you put into an employee's work journal.

So, all in all -- he's pissed and he's had it. Good for him. I would have told them to go choke on a pie a long time ago.

But, the ball is moving since he's going to open his mouth for once. We'll see where this takes us.

Sights of the Season

A couple holiday favorites. I would have never been able to capture a photo such as the gumdrops with my previous digital cameras. The Nikon D50 ROCKS!

Merry Christmas to ME!

I got an early Christmas gift!!! Mike gave me the Nikon D50! I'm THRILLED! Already charged up the battery and took a few shots. I have to get the battery fully charged for tonight's festivities - and of course, for tomorrow!

YAY! I'm stoked!! Best part is that he got it on credit, interest free for 6 months so there is no worry about paying outrageous interest rates. My Christmas bonus will go towards it, and since the car will be paid off in a couple weeks, we'll use that to go towards the camera as well.

I'll share a couple pictures in just a moment.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

This is not working out

Yeah, Mike's job with BS is just not working out. And now that I've called it BS - the name really does fit, because it's complete B.S. = BULLSHIT.

Things were going really well during training. I figured things would change a bit once he was actually working the position, as he was doing his training with a GM who's hours may not be what a normal AM (or whatever BS exactly calls his position) would be.

So, he gets transfered to a different store (closer to home, as we were hoping) and has pretty much gotten the shaft ever since.

The past 2 weeks he's been working til close EVERY time he works. It's really getting to be annoying. Even though on days that he doesn't close, he's still not home til 8-8:30pm.

And then for Thanksgiving - the night before he was scheduled to close. Since T-giving is such a busy pie holiday - the restaurant was busy with pie pick ups and several transits or transfers or whatever they call them. Long story short - he didn't get home until after 5 IN THE MORNING the day of Thanksgiving. So, he finally crawls into bed to go to sleep somewhere around 5:45am - and had to be BACK AT WORK AT 11am. Yeah ... nice, huh? So, then he's scheduled to close. The store was closing at 5. He didn't end up to our Thanksgiving festivities until after 6:30.

So, now it's time for Christmas. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. He's scheduled "2-?". Yes, that is a question mark. Apparently they don't know when he'll get off -- but my question is this .... they know what time the restaurant is CLOSING - so why not just get to the nitty gritty and put down 2-CL like they normally would do when someone is scheduled to close. WTF does "?" mean???? Can anyone explain??

I mean -- I know better -- and if he's going in at 2, he's closing. So just put down CLOSE then. Don't give someone the impression that maybe - just *maybe* - they will get out of there sooner.

His hours are down as 2-? for today as well. I talked to him half an hour ago and he still wasn't sure when he'd be out of there - which to me, says he's CLOSING. Especially since looking at his management schedule -- he is the ONLY one out of the management staff that is scheduled later than 6pm. So what does that tell you??? Now in that respect tomorrow is questionable then -- the other 2 management staff is scheduled til 6, which is the time the restaurant closes. So, what does that mean -- they get to run out the door at 6pm, and Mike stays behind to mop floors and that's why they don't know what time he'll be out of there?? Otherwise, when you're on to close, the schedule always reads whatever time to come in to CL (close).

It's all such bullshit. Then, I find 3 pieces of paper folded up on the nightstand (where pocket contents generally get placed when getting undressed). It is a "new manager journal" and has a list of "complaints" and "wrong-doings" and such. Even *I* was getting pissed reading this, and I don't even see him in his workplace and could tell that some of this stuff was untrue (though some of it, I could see being an issue because of the way things are done around the house as well).

So - all in all - when I talked to Mike this evening -- I told him it's time to look for something else. He agrees. Honestly, with it being Christmas, part of me is screaming -- tell them to go piss up a rope and quit your job. But then I realize -- NO ... we can't. We need the health insurance and the money right now. If he quits he won't at least get unemployment to get us through until the next steady paycheck comes in.

So, I guess what we hope for now, is for something better to come along so that Mike can leave this job to start fresh. Or, if it really comes down to it - that he's let go, and can collect unemployment while he focuses on finding a new job.

One thing is for certain, though - I am calling the pediatricians office on Monday and scheduling Braeden's 4 year check up and Kaelynn's 18 month. And I'm going to try to get them in as quickly as possible. Then we will be set for 6 months until Kaelynn needs to go in for a 2 year check up (unless they got really sick - in which case, I'd suck it up and take them in and pay out the ass if need be to keep them well).

I'm just so frustrated and tired of him being walked all over. I know the restaurant business does have shitty hours - and I've come to terms with that - but not when they have only one person -- the SAME person -- closing every single night when the other management doesn't. That is unfair. There is another person that holds the exact same position - so if anything - they should be the ones to switch off on closing, because I know the precious GM normally doesn't work later than 7pm.

One thing I'd REALLY like under the Christmas tree

This is one thing I REALLY want. Haven't really, really, REALLLLLLLY wanted anything this much in a looooooooong time.

If this was the one and only present I got, I'd be a happy camper.



But, it probably won't be under the tree. Unless Mike totally surprises me. He's already got me several gifts .... mainly clothes and I'm assuming the last couple seasons of Friends to complete my collection.

I won't be totally disappointed to not receive it, afterall, I'm already planning on using my Christmas bonus to put towards it.

Of course, I want the 18-55 mm zoom lens (as pictured with it above) that is sold separately as well.

:sigh: PLEEEEASSSSEEE Santa, I've been REALLLLLLLLY good this year. ;)

4 Sleeps til Santa

Only 4 more "sleeps" and it'll be Christmas morning. 4 more times of getting the kids into their Christmas pajamas, tucking them in and then peering over the little cherubs as they sleep.

Sunday morning they will awaken and head down the stairs to see a large array of gifts that Santa has brought.

I'm excited. Very much looking forward to Christmas more and more each year as the kids get a little older. I know my time will be limited, as they will grow up and eventually catch on to the whole Santa thing.

My boss and I discussed Santa, and whether or not her 10 year old twins (turning 11 in February) still believe. They haven't said they don't - but she's still *not sure*. Her 14 year old daughter hasn't believed since she was in the 3rd grade, but has been exceptionally good at NOT giving away the secret, even during the ugliest of family battles (which are very common during these early teen years it seems).

My neice is 10 years old as well, and as far as I know, she still believes. She hasn't told my sister otherwise at least.

Which it got me thinking - when did I stop believing? Honestly, I really don't know. There wasn't some life altering moment where the world stopped turning and I said "You've got to be f-ing kidding me; there isn't a Santa Claus?!?" ..... no, in fact, once I knew, I even asked my parents to continue to wait until Christmas Eve to put all my presents under the tree.

It's just a glorious illusion - it's almost hard to give it up. There is something so innocent about believing in Santa, and something so special and endearing about the whole thing. I don't think I can quite put it into words ....

I wish I still believed. But, I do have to admit, that I do like being on the other side for once, getting to be Santa myself.

On my mind

Mike's mom had called him last week to see if we'd be spending Christmas day at his Aunt S.'s house or his grandfathers (depending on where the festivities would be hosted). We are now just 5 days away, and no one has let us know the definite plans or given us an official invitation.

Quite honestly - this is where the problem comes in. I don't want to go.

I have no interest in joining in their festivities. Since Aunt S. has made it so very clear that I have never been welcomed into their family, I really don't feel comfortable in spending time with them for the holidays.

But, my issue is this - if we don't go, once again, *I* will be blamed. While it will boil down to MY decision -- how can they really honestly expect me to WANT to go after all that was said?

If the tables were turned, and I had sent an email like that to one of Mike's family members, all hell would have broken loose, and you better believe, they wouldn't have anything to do with any of our festivities. It's the same with Braeden's birthday party -- Aunt S. was not coming, simply because she was pissed off.

I've told Mike that this year I'd rather start a new tradition. Staying home on Christmas day. I'm tired of running around after the kids finish opening their gifts - taking them away from all the new toys and goodies they get. He hasn't given me a definite answer, but it does seem he's not that interested in visiting with his family (on his mom's side).

We did already get together this past weekend with his brother, his fiance and their daughters and exchanged gifts. And we'll find time to get together with his dad, stepmom and sister.

I'm just sick to my stomach about all of this. I have been since it all happened. I'm tired of feeling like this when I did nothing wrong! And I can't believe someone would have the audacity to say the things said! Honestly - WHAT was the point in saying such nasty things? I am his WIFE ... not just a girlfriend that will probably be old news in a week. I've been with this man for nearly 7 years, married for a little over 5. I'm not going anywhere.

ABC Fun

A is for age: 25
B is for birthday: April 11
C is for career: assistant office/general manager
D is for your dad's name: Gary
E is for essential items to bring to a party: present
F is for favorite song at the moment: Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree (Brenda Lee)
G is for favorite game: Yahtzee
H is for hometown: burbs of Chicago
I is for instruments you play: none
J is for jam or jelly you like: strawberry or grape
K is for kids: Braeden and Kaelynn
L is for living arrangements: House with hubby, 2 kids, parents, a cat and 2 fish
M is for mom's name: Diane
N is for name of your crush: Matthew McConaughey
O is for overnight hospital stays: only for the births of my kids
P is for phobias: Bugs!
Q is for quotes you like: My family tree is full of nuts!
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: Husband, married for a little over 5, together for almost 7
S is for sexual preference: whatever feels good ;)
T is for time you wake up: between 7-8am
U is for underwear: bikini or thong
V is for vegetable you love: sweet corn
W is for weekend plans: baking Christmas cookies
X is for x-rays you've had: teeth (a couple times) and neck (when in car accident many years ago)
Y is for yummy food you make: butterscotch brownies, peanutbutter chocolate chip cookies
Z is for zodiac sign: Aries

Womanly Things

I've been tracking my cycles lately because I have a habit of not writing things down and then I'm scrambling to make sure I have supplies on hand in my purse.

I was sitting here tonight, dealing with massive cramps, ovarian pain and breast tenderness and thinking - yep, I'm ovulating for sure. This isn't the first, or even tenth time I've noticed this. My body has been reaaalllllly good at letting me in on it's secret.

I've just never really completely zoned in on all the technicalities of it all.

Sure, I recorded my daily BBTs when we were TTC our children, and I could somewhat tell from that when ovulation had occurred. But now, it's all pretty much spelled out and I haven't used that thermometer in over 2 years.

So, I sign in to my monthly cycle tonight to check things out, and enter some symptoms into the calendar. I see that today is CD17.

Look back, and sure enough - CD17 is my lucky day, as it's been like clockwork that I record these symptoms then. And I've pinpointed my luteal phase to be 13 days. That is one thing I never could answer - and now I know.

Lucky me. Funny thing is, all this information will never help me in conceiving a child, as we are not going to have anymore (most likely).

And while it's nice to know how my body works and that it is working properly, it's also very frustrating dealing with the pains TWO times during my cycle. Looks like I better keep ibuprofen on hand for ovulation AND when AF makes her visit.

:sigh: The joys of being a woman.

Let's wrap it up

I just spent about 4 1/2 hours wrapping presents. My neck hurts now because of the way I sit on the floor while I wrap. I got a HUGE chunk of gifts wrapped, though. Still not finished, but close enough that I can see the end in sight.

I even got a head start on the gifts from Santa. They are wrapped and inside large boxes in my closet. There's no way we can do our family get together on Christmas Eve, then wrap presents and put together the kid's playhouse. Not to mention fill stockings and pull out all the gifts to tuck by the tree (which is already overwhelmed with gifts underneath AND around it). That's one thing about having 6 people in the house .... even more presents.

So, now it's 1:15 am -- and I am just now beginning to feel slightly tired. At this rate, I should be able to stay up and wait for Mike to get home. I'd think he *should* be home anytime between now and 2. But, like I said, he *should* be. Whether he actually is or not is a different ballgame.

My vent about his job should be in an entirely separate entry - because it could be long.

But - speak of the devil - he just pulled into the driveway. Off to my hubby and bed I go!

My little boy

Tomorrow my little boy turns 4. It's hard to believe I've been a mommy for 4 years. Time is going so quickly. Today I was reminiscing and WHAM! - the thought crossed my mind that next year, he will be FIVE!

Why is it that FIVE seems sooooo very much older than four?

We had his birthday party yesterday. It was nice and he enjoyed himself tremendously. And when he opened his Justice League Martian Manhunter we got him -- he was sooo flippin excited. He looked at it, and stammered "What the .... !?!" and then said "It's Martian Manhunter - the one me has been looking all over for!!" I paid a bit more for it on ebay because I couldn't find it ANYWHERE in stores. It was worth EVERY PENNY for his expression. We got it on video, and watched it later that night just to see it again. I was in tears. Felt like a big idiot in front of all the family and friends - but he was SOOO HAPPY, and my heart just exploded with happiness for him.

Now I really cannot wait for Christmas!!! Only 14 days to go (well, now we're ticking away to nearly 13)!

At War With the In-Laws

I've about had it with some of Mike's family members, and I think he has, too.

I've posted before about RSVPing and the fact that so many people are ignorant and do not response. WTF do they think I put a RSVP date and phone number for?? Shits & giggles? Please.

So this year I had enough. B is going to be 4 years old. This has been on ongoing issue since his 1st birthday. So, I sent an email to those who hadn't responded. My FIL took it the wrong way - because I'm an idiot and thought I put an RSVP date of 12/3 down, when in fact, I wrote 12/5. So when I emailed on 12/4, I jumped the gun a bit. REGARDLESS - I send a 2nd email apologizing, but asked if everyone could still respond yes or no and that we hoped we'd see them on Saturday.

And so - Mike gets a phone call from his Aunt S. on Monday. She basically rips into him on the phone. After he hangs up, we talk a bit about "the email I sent" and I get more and more pissed off. End up getting home to find out that Aunt S. emailed our family group email (a private yahoogroup for both his & my family to keep in touch with us and see photos of the kids, etc). And the email was NOT pretty. I mean - she was a B. I. T. C. H. She basically blamed me for everything - even going back to our wedding in 2000 and people we did not invite! You know what - F-U-C-K Y-O-U ... it was our wedding, and we chose the guest list. End of story. Get over it. She made all these "claims" that had no grounds. But everything she said, was MY fault. That Mike doesn't call or visit his family -- yep, my fault.

But, of course. Afterall, I do shackle him to the bed each morning as I leave for work. And I break the bones in his fingers everytime he tries to dial the phone to call one them. And, the time he tried to get in the car to go visit them -- oh yes, I set his car on fire. I do whatever it takes to keep him from his family.

GIVE ME A F-ING BREAK!

They simply cannot handle the fact that maybe - just MAYBE - HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE OR CALL THEM, OR GO TO THEIR STUPID PIG ROAST. No, no. Of course he wants to -- it must be his bitch of a wife that keeps him from doing these things!! Yes, of course!

I'm done. I do not care to speak with or see that particular family member ever again.

I spoke with FIL for a good hour last night about all of this. I got to explain myself and he filled me in on some things. Says that Mike gives them all the impression that *I* am the one keeping him from these things. When I asked Mike about that - he acted as if he didn't know what I was talking about. And I said to his dad - I don't want to be his excuse - but maybe he uses me as one because he can, and because it looks better to blame someone else instead of having himself look like the asshole.

And then I find out - because Aunt S. mentioned something in her email about us not even being able to change our Thanksgiving plans to spend it with R. (Mike's grandfather, he's ill, dying of cancer). I didn't have any clue about Thanksgiving - as I was NOT invited and nothing was mentioned to me. I found out from Mike - that Aunt S. called him for his dad's phone number because she invited him to Thanksgiving and then says something along the lines of "I was going to invite you, but figured you wouldn't come anyway" -- WTF?? How 'bout this? Take your Thanksgiving turkey and stuff it!

I wrote back to Aunt S. - not because I want to work things out - but because she accused me of everything in the book - and I needed to defend myself. So I did that, and got a few jabs of my own in there. She hasn't written back.

It's all about her and that side of the family. Everyone should cater to them. We should go there for this and that, and we should call - but do they? Absolutely not. It's up to US.

And this is a family that rarely called Mike while he lived in Florida. I met him soon after he moved back here in IL. No one tried to contact him in the few months he was living here. After we started dating, he contacted the family and it went from there. So it was okay for them not to call, write, visit - nothing - during all that time.

It's sad, really. It truly is a dysfunctional family. I look at mine and realize how lucky I am to have such caring family. No matter what - they are always there. They don't get pissed off and petty because they had to be the one to make the phone call 9 out of 10 times, or that you can't make it to their weekend BBQ, or that you didn't invite so-and-so to your wedding. It's called being an ADULT. And Mike's family has proven that they are still growing up.

Oh! And I almost forgot!

Wrote out some bills this evening ... and made out our car payment -- my payment booklet has one -- just ONE -- payment stub left. Which means, the SUV is almost paid off in FULL! Yippie!!!!!

I can see how people get carried away

I realize how people can get carried away with their holiday spending. When you have access to stores around the world 24/7, it's hard NOT to spend $$$.

I just placed an order at walmart.com. Remember how I said I was DONE shopping for the kids? LOL Yeah, right.

Turns out, "Santa" called and needed help finding something else (funny, isn't it because he's the one that is supposed to make all the toys?) and I found it at Walmart, available online only. I originally saw the item on ebay, because Toys R Us (amazon) didn't have it, and I haven't seen it in stores. But it was $18.99 (buy it now) and $10 shipping. Kind of pricey in the long run.

So when I found it on Walmart, I was all over it - and I got some other shopping done, too. Got a couple things for Mike, and got to take advantage of some of their shipping deals - so I didn't actually pay an arm & a leg for shipping. Well, in the end -- with my order of 4 items (one large, a medium and 2 small items) -- I paid $10 for shipping. Still better than paying $10 shipping on just ONE of those items.

So, because "Santa" now had 1 more gift for Kaelynn than Braeden, I had to find something else for Braeden to even it out (am I the only one that does this? I can't imagine I am!). So - did some reworking (because of the whole "Santa" themed gifts this year) on the list and swapped one of our gifts for a "Santa" gift - and bought something else from Walmart that just came out, which will be from us. Did I confuse you yet? LOL

So, I've spent the last 2.5 hours or so, surfing the net from one store to another ... but thankfully I haven't gotten too carried away. Only placed the one order -- WARNING: Start tangent -- (though I placed one on at Gymboree yesterday. Couldn't help it. Got my Gymbo Visa reward gift card in the mail (not much, only $13 and some change), plus they are giving Gymbucks - so I spent $50. :sigh: I need to stay away from that place. That was for 1 outfit (shirt, pants & socks) for Kaelynn and a pair of cords for Braeden (to complete an outfit from a line that K has an outfit in, too - so that'll make GREAT sibling photos)). -- End tangent -- But now to continue my search to finish my shopping. If my list is right -- I only have 2 people left to buy for. My brother and his wife. I may take the easy way out and go with a Sears gift card or something since they are having a house built (by us!) and will be moving in next summer. Lots of window treatments, furnishings and decor will be needed.

So, that outta wrap up the shopping -- and then I can get on to wrapping up the presents!

THE Closet

Here it is. The disaster area. I had to take a few shots because I couldn't get the entire mass of boxes and bags in just one shot.

Work, Eat, Sleep .... Same ol' Same ol'

It's been a couple weeks since my last post. Not that there hasn't been anything interesting going on.

There was Thanksgiving for one. Honestly, I didn't enjoy the holiday one bit. I just was not into it at all this year. I craved the food, and then once I started eating - it was just like any other meal. It's depressing, really. The whole fact that one of few holidays that the family gets together and really enjoys themselves, I was feeling out of sorts is just down right sad.

I'm thinking one of the main reasons - was that my Grams was not around for her favorite pumpkin pie this year. Thanksgiving morning, I had a good sob in the car when my mom and I ran to Meijer to grab some last minute items. I don't even remember what prompted it. All I remember is tears blurring my vision while I attempted to park the car and then putting it into park, and sobbing. That was the first cry that day, and not the last. I won't even get into the rest.

The next day I was in better spirits. Up bright (well, in this case it was still dark) and early at 4 - (yes, you heard right - FOUR) - in the morning. Headed out for some Black Friday sales, got some great deals and then went in to work. I'm nuts, I'll admit it. But it's one day a year - and yes, it really is sort of fun. My intentions were to nap with the kids when I got home from work - but that never happened and I didn't end up in bed until late that night. I was beat!

But, like I mentioned, I did get some good deals. One gift is already wrapped and under the tree. It's a HUGE box - a gift for Mike - and I know he's trying to figure out what it is. But knowing him, he's already got it all figured out. He's good like that. He knew exactly what a gift was one year without touching it, shaking it, smelling it - he just briefly looked at it and knew just what it was.

I've done quite a bit more Christmas shopping and I'm --->this<--- close to being finished. Tonight I X'd off a couple more people from the list. Now to just start wrapping it all! I should take a picture of my closet! It's insane. I have a large walk-in closet - and one side has been taken over with boxes and bags galore. There really are ALOT of people we exchange gifts with. I want to say there are a good 25 people, plus then all the gifts for our kids. Actually, now that I get to thinking about it - it might be closer to 30 people plus our 2 kids.

Other than all that .... my days are pretty much the same.

But - can you believe it - 23 days til Christmas?? Well, by now you can say 22 days. And - my little boy will be FOUR in just 10 days! :sigh: Time is flying.

It's beginning to feel alot like Christmas

I wound up doing a bit of Christmas shopping after work today. Got off an hour early, and had to swing by the mall to pick up our Christmas pictures. Since I was right over there, I opted for a chance to shop through Toys R Us without four curious eyeballs peering into the cart.

Found a few things for the kids -- you see, Santa asked me to look for a few items that he didn't have back at the North Pole. LOL I believe I'm finished with the kids. Well -- at least I *say* that now .... we'll see what happens when I set my eyes on something I just have to have for them.

Honestly, I'm proud of myself. I didn't go overboard this year like I have in the past. Last year they got a TON of stuff. This year, I didn't buy that much (though I'm sure some people would disagree and think they are getting MORE than enough). I figure I'll just get my butt in the playroom after Christmas and weed out toys that aren't played with, are broken, or perhaps too "babyish" now. Maybe I'll even have Braeden help me - and ask him which toys he doesn't like anymore, and see if he'll give any away on his own.

I'm still not near being finished Christmas shopping entirely. Well, I suppose I have a much better start than those that are planning Day 1 of shopping to take place on Black Friday. There are still several gifts I need to buy - and unfortunately that will mean battling the stores, the enormous crowds and long lines during the holiday rush. But, what's the holiday season without having to stand in at least one line, or listening to one woman rant that she didn't get her hands on the last Dora Knows your Name doll.

I'm really beginning to hate weekends

You would think that after working 5 straight days, I'd enjoy having the weekend off. And - while I do enjoy not having to get up and go in to work, and I can enjoy my children and my home -- at the same time - I HATE weekends.

With the business Mike is in, he works all weekend. Gone most of Saturday and Sunday. His hours this weekend are both 9am-7pm on Sat and Sun. He got home at 8pm last night. Okay - so it's better than midnight - but it's still AFTER we've already eaten dinner as a family, and it's too late to go and do anything. It sucks. Even if he was to open the store - he doesn't get off til 4. At least then we have dinner as a family, but doesn't leave much time for family activities. He has to work Thanksgiving, too. 7am-close. They close at 3pm. General closing takes about an hour. Meaning 4pm he'll actually get out of there. The commute to my brother and SIL's house .... probably a good 40 minutes. So - it'll be nearly 5pm by the time he joins the festivities. I think we're eating at 2. So he doesn't even get a hot, fresh Thanksgiving meal. And we don't get to eat with him. :sigh:

So anyway - here is Saturday. We have pictures tonight at 5:30. The kids and the twins having Christmas pictures taken together. I figured I'd spend the day in to try to get the kids to rest and relax so that they could be in good spirits later. My mom and dad take off - to go do their own thing. Which okay .... understandable. They deal with the grandkids all week long. But, I'm feeling abandoned. And I have Christmas shopping to do and can't do a bit of it because I have the kids. I can't necessarily shop when I have them with me, curious eyeballs peering into the cart.

Which brings to me to another thing -- I don't have a single thing for Braeden for Christmas. I went through everything I've bought so far for everyone, and made a list. Both kids are getting more winter clothes, and loads of summer clothes. I have quite a few things for Kaelynn, including the things the 'big jolly man' will bring her. Several toys. The only thing NON-clothing we have for Braeden is a couple packages of Hotwheels/Matchbox cars, some Spiderman notebooks to doodle in, and a Spiderman & Friends action hero. How on Earth can I only have that?? Normally by this time I'm finished with my kids.

I guess it's because I refused to buy things - knowing that they already have a TON of toys and they will probably get more from family. But I can't just give him clothes. There are things I put on his Christmas wishlist that I could buy. But, I wanted plenty of options for family. :sigh: I guess I'll start browsing on amazon or something to get some ideas. There is a Batman batcave play set I've seen. Maybe I can snag that at a good deal. He'd LOVE that.

Now if only I could get to the stores so I could do some power shopping, I'd be all set. At this rate, I'll never get my Christmas shopping done.

Christmas Pictures

I just have to share these BEST pictures of my kids! Yes, I know I am their mother, but I swear, they are the CUTEST kids ever! LOL





Seriously.....are they cute or what?????

7 Years

Today is my 7th anniversary at work. Hard to believe it's been SEVEN years. Somedays it doesn't feel like it's been that long. And other days I feel like I've worked there for 30 years. LOL

I started there when I was 18. It's crazy when I think back to all I've accomplished since I started there.

Marriage, 2 houses, 2 kids, 3 cars ..... wow.

I ask for continued prayers for Liam ....

You all may remember me asking for prayers for an online friend's son, Liam.

They are currently at St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital for testing, etc. Unfortunately, Liam's blasts went from 0-8% in a matter of 4 weeks.

They have set up a personal site through the CaringBridge organization, which can be visited here.

I ask you all .... please keep this little boy in your thoughts and prayers.

Those little blue pills

I'm still off them.

We've had insurance since November 1st.

I haven't gotten another refill.

I don't remember exactly when it was that I stopped taking them. I'm thinking it was mid-September.

I still have 6 left in the bottle from my last script.

I don't think I need those pills anymore.

My DH (and the "D" does NOT stand for Dear!)

Right at this moment I could pack up all of Mike's belongings and throw them out the window. He seriously PISSES me off to no end.

I worked all damn day. He was off today. I get home and he hands a screaming Kaelynn to me. Fine, she was crabbing, and I'm sure he was at his wits end with her at the moment.

So we sit down to eat - I finish, and he's still eating. I let him make another sandwich and hold off on putting all the bread/meat/condiments away until he's finished. I put all the stuff away while he stuffs his face. I take away Braeden's plate while he finishes his milk and eats a few more Doritos. I give Kaelynn a chocolate chip cookie for dessert. I start to wipe down the kitchen table. Mike finally finishes and takes his plate to the sink.

Braeden comes over to have his hands and face washed at the sink. I clean him up. Mike goes to sit on his ASS while doing something on that God forsaken laptop. Kaelynn finishes her cookie and coughs/chokes in the process. I make sure she's okay and pat her back. She is fine. Mike just looks over. I remove the tray from the highchair, sit it to the side and get her cleaned up. Put her down on the floor, and go to clean off the tray. The kids run around and run around. I tell them to please get out of the kitchen and to stop running. Mike sits and continues to do his thing.

I take Kaelynn upstairs and get her diaper changed and into pajamas. I go into the laundry room and get all the clean clothes and put away Kaelynn's, Braeden's and my own. Realizing when I get into our bedroom - that the bed is still UNMADE and Mike's few clean clothing items from yesterday's load are STILL sitting in the same spot. This morning I had THREE things I asked him to do. 1) Call the bank and find out about the new name/routing number and try to get it straighted out since I had JUST ordered new checks before we received notice of the change from the bank 2) Make the bed and 3) Put away the clean clothes from yesterday

He did ONE of the three things. And let me ask -- were those 3 things ALOT to ask of a man who had to do NOTHING today?????

AND - then -- he did NOTHING to help get the kids "settled". Kaelynn is in bed (crabby girl tonight!) and for the moment Braeden is playing on the other computer. But I can guarantee it'll be ME getting him ready for bed unless the asshole can manage to pull himself out of selfish land for 10 minutes.

And the thing that gets me - On weekends, when I'm off, and I'm home all day -- all these things would be done PLUS some. And I would still be the one primarily getting the kids ready for bed.

ONE night a week does he do everything on his own. And that's when I'm out grocery shopping. He bathes and gets the kids ready for bed by himself. Fine and dandy -- but who does all that the other nights during the week???

It's like he doesn't feel as if he should lift a goddamn finger to do anything around here. And it's like pulling teeth trying to get him to clean. He does our bathroom and THAT'S IT. And that's only when he's around (not working) to do it.

I'm TIRED OF IT. And talking to him does no good. I've tried it a million times. "Honey, it would really be helpful if you could please help out. Then maybe I won't be so tired and we can have more time together."

I hate having to ask - it should just be done. And when I have a simple THREE item list that would take a total of MAYBE 30 minutes (and really, that all depended on how long the bank situation took - otherwise making the bed and putting the laundry away (seriously, 2 shirts and a pair of socks) would have taken - um, 4 minutes or so?) - is it really that much to ask?????

Memories

Yesterday my parents came home with some of my Grams' belongings. They brought home a tshirt she had made over 10 years ago to support my brother during his racing season. She'd wear it to the racetrack and shout "Go, John, GO!" while he raced. So the shirt read Go John Go on the front. Mom brought it home to give to my brother to keep.

I was looking at the shirt ..... and I inhaled. I gasped and put the shirt down. My mom noticed - and asked me what was wrong. I barely managed to say that it smelled like my Grams before the tears came.

Her scent was there. She's been gone over a month, yet her scent remains. It was almost too much to take in right then and there.

My mom and dad also got a mysterious piece of mail yesterday. Information on Disney. No one sent away for it. We have only been talking about taking a big family vacation there in a year or two in my Grams' memory since she loved traveling - especially with family.

We know Grams is pushing us to take that trip - she WANTS us to enjoy the things she did when she was here. And most importantly - she wants us to enjoy those things with our loved ones like she once did.

Friends

It's so great to have friends. Real life friends to hang out with or chat on the phone with.

Being a young mom -- most of my old friends from school moved on to "better" things. And by "better", I mean - to them it may have included drinking, partying, bars, clubs, blah blah blah blah blah. Definitely not being a full time working mother of 2 and wife.

So - to have friends that are at the same point of life I'm at .... it's a good thing. I have many, many wonderful online friends. Most of which I have known for many years. I'm talking a good 4-6 years I've know most of them. Many others I've known for 2 so far.

So, there was one in particular that I've known since she got pregnant with her daughter in 2001. I have "known" her and talked to her on a nearly daily basis for 4 years and I *finally* met her the beginning of this month. It's silly because she's lived in the area -- not like she was out of state and just happened to come here to visit or anything like that.

But now it's like we are *truly* friends - talking on the phone for hours at a time, discussing our children, ranting and raving and today - spending the afternoon out with the kids. It was wonderful. Having another mom to chat with. One that has a daughter just 6 months younger than my son. And one that lives nearby.

We're already planning on taking the kids to a children's museum one weekend and that should be fun. I'm excited to actually have a friend to spend time with.

Those friends I do have outside of the online world - that are on the same "level" as me - are too "busy" or too wrapped up in their own lives to get together often enough to truly feel like it's a solid relationship.

I think this will be good for me. I'm still off my Zoloft. I have a few pills left in the medicine cabinet from when I was trying to extend the pills over a period of time. I started skipping a day between pills - then I just stopped them all together. While some days I feel like I *NEED* those blasted little blue pills, it doesn't seem quite as strong as the need was before. Maybe I won't need that refill once the new insurance kicks in afterall.

An Angel in Heaven

I have been following a couple journals of children battling cancer. It tears me up inside to read - but I couldn't stop. These children tugged at my heart.

Last night, one of these children lost their battle and went on to be with God in Heaven.

In Memory of
Miss Maggie May
Left this Earth
on Thursday, October 27, 2005

You will be missed Miss Maggie.

Requesting Prayers

I'm part of a handful of online groups that are closely knit. We've developed great friendships over the years - and my online friends are some of my dearest friends even if many of us haven't met in person.

In the last couple weeks, an online friend posted about her 3 year old boy refusing to eat, bruising, etc. When she took him to the doctor, she was told he had Leukemia. They went to a specialist and Leukemia was ruled out - and they thought it was some sort of virus that was doing awful things. They ran test after test and were checking his levels, etc. He was still very ill, but they didn't believe it was cancer.

Today we got another update. It's not good news.

Here's what she had to write:

Here is all I know about Liam. His specialist called today with very bad news. He has monosomy 7, which is a mutation on his 7th chromosome in his bone marrow. It often turns into leukemia. It is an extremely rare condition and we don't have a lot of information right now. It is usually fatal, and my research gives about 2 years to live after diagnosis, though that wasn't stated by the doctor. We go in to meet with him Wednesday. He thinks he will need chemotherapy (this is a type of cancer) and a bone marrow transplant (pray Keegan is a compatible donor) When I asked if this was "survivable" he said "Not very" I wish I had more to tell you, and I pray that he is wrong, but this is from a genetic test that is pretty hard to mis-interpret. He is only 3 years old. If you pray, he could use some extra... If you want to cross your fingers extra hard, that is always appreciated too...

I ask any of you that read this and pray, please, please, PLEASE do so.

GO WHITE SOX!!

I'm a Cubs fan - but let's face it - I'll support any Chicago team going to the World Series. Simply put - I'm loyal to Chicago.

Granted, don't get me wrong -- I'd be 1,000 times MORE excited if it were the Cubs going to the Series, but I'll take what I can get.

Hubby is a Sox fan. He's gloating. I'm going to attempt to get tickets (very doubtful) on Tuesday when they go on sale. I doubt, doubt, doubt I'll get them - but if I can manage to snag a couple, I'm all over it. He would LOVE to go to a game. And I love baseball games so it would be a treat for me to.

Now to just see who the Sox will be facing off against at the Series. Houston or St. Louis? Houston leads the series 3 games to 1. Game 5 is tomorrow.

Well, it's off to bed.

Chicago is one happy city right now.

Ups and Downs .... the Rollercoaster of Life

The past week has been an emotional rollercoaster. I've had ups and downs, I've laughed and I've cried. Alot.

I miss my Grams like crazy. And I'm starting to feel guilty for things that I shouldn't. Especially that I should have been there that Saturday to visit - when she appeared to be recovering so well and that she was starting to act more like herself. I didn't get to see her remotely normal ANY of the time we spent in the hospital. That first night in the ER - she was so out of it .... I don't know if she knew I was there or not. And then we saw her after surgery, so of course she was out of it from the anesthesia and painkillers. And then ... she got bad that Saturday night. And seeing her after that .... she was seizing and we didn't know what she was able to comprehend, see or hear. I hope she knows I was there, and that I prayed for her and cried for her and that now I miss her with all of my heart.

The memorial service was yesterday from 4-8. It was another "down" moment. I had been fine throughout the day, until we got in the car to go. Then I started to cry on the way there. And as soon as I walked in and saw the flowers and the big picture of her up front with the fall leaves around it.....I broke down. At one point I went off to another sitting area, and sat alone, and just cried. I just wanted to be alone -- wanted to think of my Grams and mourn the loss.

Let me tell you .... losing two grandparents at age 11 and then losing one grandparent when your 25 is a whole lot different. I wasn't aware of all the details when my paternal grandparents died in 1991. I knew they were sick, and then knew what it meant when they died -- but I didn't get to "witness" it. I didn't see them dying .... I didn't know that machines needed to be turned off or that things were so bad they were put into hospice so they could just go peacefully. This time I was there .... I saw my Grams suffering .... I knew what was happening .... I held her hand and told her it was okay to go.

All my grandparents are gone now. I'm thankful for the 25 years I had with my Grams, but I'm bitter, too because my brother and sister had over 35 years with her. And why did I only get 11 years with my Granny and Gramps?

And now that I have no grandparents - part of me can't help but think that - next in "line" would be my parents. I couldn't handle that. I don't know what I'll ever do when that day comes. I feel a lump in my throat and feel queasy just thinking of it.

I know right now I'm still brokenhearted and trying to deal with everything and digest it. It was enough that we brought my grandmother remains home yesterday. She was cremated, so her ashes are in a box. When we got home from the memorial - we sat at the kitchen table to talk and have a drink. I looked over - and there was the box - and immediately I thought -- MY GRAMS IS *ON* THE KITCHEN TABLE! And I wanted to scoop that box up and hide it in a closet.

While I was trying to wrap my mind around everything going on with my Grams - Mike's grandfather was in the hospital (went in the same day (Wednesday Sept 28) as my Grams). We went to see him while we were there visiting my Grams (that Sunday Oct 1) and as far as we knew, he was being released within the next day or two. Didn't hear anything until yesterday (Oct 10). He was back in the hospital again.

I don't want to sound selfish - but I don't know that I can mentally absorb another death in the family. Not now. I certainly don't want him to suffer or be in any pain - and if God feels He needs to bring him home, then so be it -- but nothing like kicking you while you're already down.

I know I'll get through it no matter what .... it's just a whole lot on my mind at once, while dealing with a loss.

I'm back

Apparently it was just a blogger brainfart and all it needed was a swift kick to remind it that I still exist.

My last post went right there and I could access my blog problem free. Hooray!

At any rate ... here it is Saturday. We had a little get together for my neice, Kodi. Her birthday was the end of September, and we had planned on throwing her a little party here. When my Grams passed, we didn't want to change the plans or make Kodi feel any less special - so we kept everything as scheduled.

Kodi is spending the night tonight, and tomorrow we're going to the pumpkin farm. It's too bad that Mike will be working, but at least he was off today. It'll be me, my mom, dad, Kodi and my 2 monkies at the farm. We should have fun and I hope to get some nice pictures of the kids while we're there.

Hopefully it's not as cold tomorrow as it has been the last couple days. We've been having temperatures in the 40s and 50s. Overnight it's dropping into the 30s. Brrrrrr!!!! Hello winter! But - this *is* Chicago afterall. It's gonna be one hell of a winter, I just know it.

We're getting closer to the memorial service for my Grams. Today has been much better - and the tears only welled up once. I know Monday it'll be a different story. Right now it's still almost like it's not "real" and that she's just a phone call or visit away. I just know my mom has such a broken heart right now. It breaks my heart to see her upset. I know death is a part of life - but it sure isn't that easy to deal with.

Blogger Brainfart??

Oh blogger - what is going on?

I haven't been able to access my blog on the web at all. I thought it fell off the edge of cyberspace!

So - I signed directly into blogger to see if I could post - and viola! Here I am.

Now let's see if I can actually get it to load when I put the blog address in my browser.

Sadness

My Grams passed away today.

6 days ago (Wednesday) she underwent surgery on her brain to relieve a massive bleed from the result of a fall. The neurosurgeon tried to be optimistic, but told us that with her history of medical problems, she was no easy case, and that he was worried about many things.

She went through the surgery like a champ, and everyone was pleased with the way she seemed to be recovering. My mom and dad saw her Saturday afternoon and said she looked "good" considering, and that she recognized them and even joked with them (she couldn't talk because she had just come off the ventilator, but she patted my dad's fat belly as a joke). Then Saturday night she took a turn for the worst. She started having seizures and the bleeding was back.

It's been a waiting game ever since, and I've been praying that if God wanted to take her, to just do it and stop making her suffer. It was devastating to see her like that. I still can see what she looked like -- how awful and how pitiful she looked. I wanted to help her so bad.

She's gone now, and I want her back. I miss her already. I know she's no longer suffering and she's in a better place, but God, why does it hurt so much?

Why can't we just win the lottery?

Then there wouldn't be any worries of Mike having to take a job working 55 hours a week and being away from his family.

:sigh: But until then, this is life.

Mike starts training for the new job on Friday. He "says" he'll talk to them about our plans that have already been made weeks in advance. We'll see what happens with that. All I know is that the next 4 weekends include many different family affairs, parties, weddings, etc.

But - I do have to mention this - Mike went to an "open house" of sorts for a job at Comcast. They had him do a series of "tests", which the way he explained it sounds as if the questions were comparable to those of which can be found on an IQ test. He must have done well, because they asked him to come back for a second interview next Wednesday. We'll see how all that pans out.

I did get some more info on the Baker's Square job. Schedule varies and he'd be working anywhere from 40 to 55 hours a week. I told him that 40 hours is ALOT different from 55 because with a salaried position, the more hours you work, technically the less money you make per hour.

So - as it stands, Baker's Square would be about $7-$8,000 more *yearly* than Comcast. BUT - if you break it down hourly (Comcast pays by the hour) - he'd be making MORE at Comcast if he was pulling 55 hour weeks at Baker's Square.

And with Comcast, he'd be home with his family one heck of a lot MORE.

Looking at the money aspect of it -- we could definitely survive on the income of Comcast. It'd be just around what he was making at LaVazza (actually, I think it's a *tad* bit more). So - it would be doable.

But, at this point, we're only heading towards a 2nd interview. It's not like a job has been offered. So - I'm really getting ahead of myself in thinking.

My moods swing from one minute to the next. One minute I want to just go running and not have to deal with this. And the next minute I think - yes, this may only be temporary and everything WILL be OK.

A Storm of Uncertainty

I don't want Mike to take this job. I REALLY don't.

He's having no part of even LISTENING to a word I have to say about how I feel about it.

He just feels that it's a JOB and that we NEED the MONEY - end of story.

He doesn't care that he may never get to spend quality time with us as family. It's like his 2 children don't matter one bit, because they will still have mommy home with them in the evenings, and mommy will be there on the weekends.

He doesn't seem to care that most nights he probably won't get to sit at the dinner table with us. Or the fact that it's quite possible he'll need to work on HOLIDAYS. It's a restaurant for Christ's sake!!!! Not all restaurants close for Christmas or Easter.

But, to him, that's okay, because mommy will still be home with the kids. And it's okay because he'll be bringing home a paycheck. SO WHAT???

What is the point in making money, if you don't get to ENJOY it? And not so much to go out on the weekends and spend the money, or go here, or visit there --- even just staying at home as a family and taking a walk to the park, or having a picnic, or playing video games. We won't be able to do ANY of that as a family. It'll always just be me & the kids while daddy is at work ALL THE TIME.

I'm feeling incredibly torn, and my stomach is in knots. I know he wants to work, and I know we need the money. BUT - he does have *some* money coming in from unemployment now, so it's not like it's ONLY my salary. He just doesn't understand my point that the "right" job could just be a couple weeks off yet.

Instead, he'll start training this Friday for a job that is most likely going to take him away from his family more than he's with it. AND - we have had things planned for the next 5 weekends which can just go straight down the toilet, because I can guarantee they'll still need to do training on the weekends.

I can't handle my husband being gone all the time. I cannot handle working full time, coming home to take on all the parenting responsibilities by myself, possibly getting 10 minutes with my husband if he happens to get home before I fall asleep so I can start my day all over again, and then being on parental duty by myself all weekend long with not one minute to relax or clear my head.

You know how I see this going .... me, at my wits end, totally exhausted from working all week, and then not having just a bit of help with the kids or around the house on the weekends, and keep repeating that process. I'll be burnt out in no time. Our marriage will go straight down the tubes, because there will be no time for romance, let alone even TALKING to one another.

So my question is this .... do I start filling out the divorce papers now or later?

A J-O-B

Just a few days ago, the first check from unemployment arrived. Today, Mike got a call and was offered a job. This is great news, as it's been nearly a month since he's been out of work.

But, I have mixed emotions about it. You see, the position is as an assistant manager (actually, a position lower than he was holding when he worked for LaVazza/Premium Espresso). BUT -- even so -- it pays $8,000 more a year. Health insurance after 90 days, 401k, etc.

So, it sounds great, right? Well, yes, on the money aspect of it all. But, it's the food service business. A restaurant. Chances are they close at 10-11pm. It's going to keep him away from the family alot more than I'd like.

But what can I do? We NEED him to work. We can't live on just my income. And alot of the other jobs he interviewed for were much less than we'd be able to work with.

I'm so torn. Part of me is happy that he'll be working, and we'll have a steady second income coming in again. But the other part of me is screaming "NOOOOOOO, NOT AGAIN!!!!!"

I really don't know ...... I want to cry. I feel sick over it. I do not want him to be away from us for 50 + hours a week.

Really, I guess I'm being a bit silly because we don't know what the hours would be as of now - and perhaps Baker's Square operates NOTHING like Sbarro did working their employees 12 hours a day. Maybe they have enough managers and assistant managers that they can work "normal" 8 hour shifts. Then again, part of me is saying, "Don't be naive. It's the restaurant business!! Long hours are a GIVEN!"

I just don't think I can handle him working ALL WEEKEND long like he did at Sbarro.

I wish I could hand over all these worries and make them go away. Or give me the answers so that I don't even need to worry.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa

Today my grandfather would have been celebrating a birthday.

It's hard to believe he's been gone 14 years.

I miss him alot. He died when I was in 6th grade. Missed out on so much of my life.

Graduating junior high, getting my first job, learning to drive & getting my license, graduating high school, getting engaged, moving out on my own, having my first baby, buying our first home, having my second baby, having our second home built.

I know he's probably up there watching over me, and I'm sure he's proud. But how I wish he could have been here to share in our joy. And how I wish he could have met my children.

Happy Birthday, Gramps. I miss you & love you, always.

Pet Peeve

When spammers come along and leave comments on my blog.

I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR SHIT .... GO SPAM SOMEONE ELSE!

The search continues

Mike is still searching for a job. I'm starting to get a bit of a nervous feeling in my stomach over it.

He has been practically glued to his laptop - surfing the web for job listings, sending out his resume and visiting sites like monster.com and the like.

He's also interviewed at several places so far. Nothing has panned out - some were just too low in pay.

One place did call him back and they want him in for another interview. It's for an online university. Hours don't seem to bad - and hey - it's like $10,000 or more a year than he was making.

So, I keep praying that an unbelievable job comes along soon. I just know there's something even better out there waiting for him.

We'll Never Forget ...... 9/11

It's been 4 years.

I still haven't forgotten that day.

I'm sure I never will.

In memory of those that lost their lives that day ......

We'll never forget.

5 years ago

Five years ago tomorrow I exchanged vows and became a wife. :) I can't believe it's been 5 years already. Then again .... ONLY five years? Some days hubby drives me so crazy it feels like it's been 25! Really, though ... it feels good to make it to the 5 year mark and still be going strong.

Two friends that got married the same year as I did, just a few months before us (one in April, the other in May) have already gotten divorced. Funny thing is, BOTH of them are already REMARRIED. Didn't waste time when it came to finding Husband #2.

So, hubby and I are planning an evening out tomorrow. Dinner and a movie. Except I have NO idea what movie to go see.

I'm thinking Charlie & the Chocolate Factory because I have been dying to see it since it came out - but I'm not sure if I can talk Mike into it. I think he wants to see it - but not sure if it classifies as "theater material" for him. Then I saw that Cole Hauser (YUM! HOTTIE!!) is in The Cave, but from what I've read the reviews aren't that great.

Anyone have any ideas on what movie to see??

Anywho ..... I'm sitting here in the computer room, the windows open and there is this gorgeous, cool, fresh breeze blowing in. It's wonderful. I can hear the sprinklers going on the freshly laid sod. There are 3 houses that should be closing soon - so we'll have some neighbors. In fact, the ranch directly next door to us already did their walk thru late last week, so we are assuming their closing is happening this week and maybe by this weekend we'll see just who our neighbors are.

So far it's been really nice living in the community. We're the only ones living on this side of the subdivision so far. There are probably about a dozen homes on the other side that already have people living in them. But we've walked around the neighborhood a couple times - and people are so friendly. They stop, wave, say hello ... even when they drive by in their cars they wave out the window. I hope we end up with neighbors that have kids the same age as ours. It would be nice to have some neighborhood playmates for them.

Well, it's nearing 9:30 now and I think I'm going to grab a refreshing can of Diet Coke, a snack and veg on the couch and watch some tv for awhile before bed. I'd like to get a good amount of sleep tonight so we can stay out a bit later tomorrow. Though, knowing me, I'll be ready for bed halfway through whatever movie we decide to watch! Actually going out for a night out sometimes makes me MORE tired than when we're at home taking care of the kids!!!

Picture time!

I posted a few recent pictures -- ones of the kids and one of the new house. :)

That's really all for now -- don't have much else to say. Usually you can't shut me up ... and today, well, for the moment I'm at a loss for words I guess.

Taking a cruise over to the park

My silly baby girl, Kaelynn

My handsome little man, Braeden

Our finished home!!

Ain't this the truth!

Your Fortune Is

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

Jealousy

Okay, so I have to vent.

Lately I've been feeling jealous of others. Others that are having their THIRD child.

I don't know why. I'm not itching to have another baby right now.

Perhaps it's that I don't know if we ever will have another baby. Sometimes I feel like our family should have 1 more .... and other times I feel that the two we have is enough.

I was doing okay until I found out an old online "friend" -- one that was on a mailing list with me, and we didn't always see eye to eye -- is pregnant with her 3rd child. Her 2nd is only a few days younger than Kaelynn.

The main thing that REALLY gets me about it - is - they CAN'T afford it. In her blog - she mentions that she'd love to be able to listen to the baby like she did with her last pregnancy - but that they can't afford the $22/month for the doppler now. HELLO?? Then how can you afford a BABY?

I sometimes wonder about God's "plan" and why He chooses to do certain things. Why give a child to a couple that can't afford it? Not to say the child wouldn't thrive and be loved -- but why give the blessing to a couple that cannot afford it. Sure, a doppler is really a "luxury" that you don't need to have. But -- if there isn't $22/month extra to use as you will (whether it be one meal out to McD's, or just stashed away for an emergency) -- then is there even enough to cover diapers, wipes, formula (okay, so they could be breastfeeding - BUT - things do happen and even breastfeeders with every attempt to keep going cannot for reasons out of their control)?

And why did God's "plan" consist of putting nearly the entire city of New Orleans under water? Thousands and thousands and thousands left homeless, jobless -- many lost their lives.

I can see why some people lose their faith in God. Sometimes I do question Him myself. And I am a believer that all things "happen for a reason" -- but -- what reason would Hurricane Katrina be?

Heartbreaking

Because of the move, I hadn't watched tv in a week. I was starting to feel very disconnected from the world. Even though I don't watch much tv in the first place - not having it to catch a few minutes of news coverage or whatnot made me feel lost.

I had heard about Katrina, but thought it was just a tropical storm - nothing to write home about. And being in the midwest, the most we may see from the hurricanes and tropical storms are some rain showers. So, on Monday I started hearing more and more on the radio - and I felt like I was trapped in a bubble and could not get the rest of the information.

Then an online friend (originally from Louisiana, now stationed in Nevada) posted that her some of her husband's family was missing. 6 relatives were missing. Finally, 5 of them were located yesterday. The 6th was located today. All are safe. They've lost everything - but all of them have their lives.

It was around the time of her post - and the more I was hearing on the radio (the news that 80% of New Orleans was underwater - some areas as deep as 20 feet had me the most curious) - that I was wondering what on earth was going on down there. Then I started checking online news stories, the NOLA website ..... it was then that I realized just how horrible the situation was.

And it seems that the more I read and the more pictures I see now, the more horrible it truly is. So many people without homes. Without clothes. Some without their loved ones. So many people with NOTHING left and nothing to return to. Everything just gone.

Hurricane Katrina showed no mercy on them. From my understanding 3 states were hit the worst, and Mississippi's death toll is already nearing 150 (the last time I checked). And New Orlean's mayor was estimating hundreds - most likely THOUSANDS - dead. It's so sad. So, so, so sad.

While it's not effecting me as much as 9/11 did - I'm still feeling helpless and upset. I still want to cry for those people and wish I was closer to lend a helping hand.

I did do something. Maybe it's not alot - but it still felt good. Another online friend lives right outside of Houston. Since many of the refugees were sent to the Astrodome, there are some collections being taken at churches and such. She mentioned that she had taken some boxes of things over, and that these volunteers sort through the boxes and are immediately handing these things out. So late last night, I packed up a box of women's shirts, a few baby outfits, a baby blanket, some washcloths, cotton balls, plastic bowls, bars of soap, sheets, plastic spoons/forks/knives and some toddler "graduate" meals and I shipped it off to my friend today. Once she gets it, she'll take it over and instantly the items I donated will be going to a victim.

My heart goes out to those affected & my prayers are with them all.

Phew!

I have a few moments, so let me try to fill you in with everything that has gone on.

We closed on the new house Aug 19, and spent the first week moving smaller carloads over and going shopping for new things for the house. The big move was yesterday, and we've been busy getting settled and unpacked. We still have a maze of boxes in the house and the garage is FULL of more.

Oh - and before I go on about that house - the bit of BAD news. Mike lost his job on Friday. Complete surprise. He called me early afternoon and broke the news. Their reasoning? The store "wasn't performing the way they had hoped" and at a visit they made (4 months prior), the store was dirty. Mike said the store was dirty, but they came in right after a rush (and - while cleanliness is a good thing - IMO - it's a DRIVE-THRU coffee place for pete's sake - who cares if the store wasn't so spic-n-span that you could eat off the floor??). So anyway. I could tell that was a blow to his ego. Poor guy. They don't know what they did. He's a great worker - and sometimes I even feel that he puts his job first before other things (and trust me, that poses marriage/family problems). Surprisingly enough I haven't lost my mind over this whole thing. My happy pills definitely are doing their job. I was mellow the whole time. My outlook is this -- while the job was nice and it was better than the last one -- it still wasn't a FANTASTIC job - and I KNOW there is something even BETTER out there. Everything happens for a reason.

And now back to the house ... the new furniture is being delivered tomorrow morning (bummer - I'll be at work, but at least I had today off). And then on Thursday the cable company will be coming out to hook up the cable and broadband. Sucks that DSL isn't available in our area - but hey - I'll take ANY high speed access we can get since we've been using dial-up forever. No more 56K connections! YAY!!

So ... I think that's all on the work & house front. As for the kids - they are doing well. Last night (first night sleeping in the new house) was a little rough. The kids were a little harder to put to bed, but after that slept wonderfully. I am dealing with allergies, so between the stuffy/runny nose and the fact that it was the first night here - I tossed and turned much of the night. I'm hoping I get a much more restful sleep tonight as I'll be up early to head off to work.

I suppose that's a good enough update for now. It's after 9pm and there is some cake downstairs that is calling my name along with a big glass of milk. :)

MIA

Good Lord! It sure has been awhile since my last post.

Hard to believe there are only 5 more days left this month and then it'll be AUGUST. Time is flying.

Kaelynn turned 1 the end of June. She's already going to be 13 months old on Thursday. My baby girl. She is little miss independent already. And that attitude! My goodness if she doesn't take after her mommy!!!! :)

And then there's Braeden. 3.5 years old and full of more energy that a nuclear power plant. Seriously. I don't know how that child can keep going and going and going and going ....... And we are still toughing our way through the VERY TERRIBLE 3's. Oh yes. Over 7 months into the 3's and it seems he's getting worse. I'd take 2 again ANY day.

But, don't get me wrong .... I LOVE my children with all of my heart. I'd do anything for them and if need me, I'd give my LIFE for their well being. And how pathetic is this ... the other night Braeden threw up and it was all over him. I had to clean him up while hubby cleaned up the mess he made all over the loveseat and carpet .... I just do NOT have a strong stomach .... so there I am, trying to keep MYSELF from throwing up all over him while wiping his vomit off his shoulder and face. Afterwards I just sat on the couch, and tears started to stream down my face. I just felt so ashamed ... plus I was emotional from the fact that he wasn't feeling well. I can't help my sensitive stomach - but it sure did make me feel like an awful mother. :(

So, just been busy with the kids, working, cleaning, selling on ebay, yada yada yada. Getting ready for the big move. Our new house should be just about ready by this weekend and then we close on August 19. Can't wait!! Tomorrow we are closing on our townhouse and will no longer be the owners. It's kind of sad. This was our first home, our "starter" home we purchased. But, it's also very exciting that this home helped us to move ahead to bigger and better things. We will be renting for the next month from the new owners. How great that their mortgage is LESS than what we were paying?

I still can't believe at how well everything went and how lucky we were that it all worked out so well. I'm so relieved though. Now my biggest stress is getting packed and ready for the big move - and the debt we have. To just get past all that, and I'll be fine!

My other cute little critter! 

Our house on June 17 ..... we cannot wait to move in! 

Cute little critter 

My greatest loves ... 

Pet Peeve

People that post bumper stickers on their car that state something along the lines of 'Pro-Abortion'.

I have never heard the term Pro-Abortion before. How many people walk around saying that they are FOR abortion?

Isn't the correct term, PRO-CHOICE? Meaning that women have the right to choose what is right for them as an individual? That's not to say that someone who is Pro-Choice is FOR abortion.

There are 2 sides to the debate, in my eyes. Pro-Life or Pro-Choice. Either you don't agree with abortion in ANY way and feel that NO ONE should have one, regardless of their situation. Or, you feel that the woman has the right to make the decision based on her circumstances and what is best for HER. Pro-Life or Pro-Choice.

WHAT the $*#@ is PRO-ABORTION? That makes it sound like someone that goes around trying to sell it, trying to talk every pregnant woman into getting one.

I can breathe

For once it feels like I can relax and just breathe.

The buyers signed off on the home inspection. We took care of a couple minor, little things and told them that was it. Now we don't have to worry -- everything is taken care of and we're done. The house is sold, and now we just wait.

The closing is scheduled for July 27. Apparently the attorneys wanted to move it up.

So, I am relieved. That's one major thing not to worry about anymore. Now to just relax, spend time as a family and start packing some more.

For now, I've been busying myself with getting ready for Kaelynn's birthday party. She'll be 1 in just a week from today. I can't believe it. Her party is this Saturday, so I just finished making the lollipop favors last night. Now I just have to work on the goody bags for the kids, and I have to go to the store and pick up the burgers, dogs and buns.

My baby girl is going to be 1. How is it possible that a year has passed already? She's my little princess. I am so blessed to have her and my wonderful little boy in my life.

At any rate -- I tried posting a few days ago, and for some reason it never went through. I'm hoping this does ......

I'm sure there's more I wanted to say - but I'm at work and really need to cut this short.

Til next time ..............

Do I sense calmness?

Why yes, I do. A little bit at least.

I was just looking over my "To Do" list and realize that the only thing left to be done is to make the 20 remaining lollipop favors for Kaelynn's birthday. Of course, there are a few more things to add to the list that weren't on there yet. Like buy all the food, fixins' and drinks for the party as well as find a bakery and order the cake.

Other than that .... I have GREAT news. We ended up going with a different realtor than we were originally thinking of. He was a tad more expensive (.5%-1%), but this was a guy that is a frequent (DAILY!) customer of Mike's. Plus he did alot more to advertise the home. Mike signed all the papers on Thursday, 6/2. On Friday, 6/3 they put the lockbox on our door and officially listed the house. We didn't realize it would be *THAT* quick - so once we got home from work we had to haul ass and finish everything that needed to be done because .... there was already a showing at 5:30 that night!!!! We did a great job, I must say. Our house has never looked better.

On Saturday, 6/4, we had another garage sale. Some showings came in while we were outside. Garage sale was a major bust this time (only made like $35 -- but overall with all the sales we've made nearly $1600). A storm rolled in, so we wrapped it up and got out of the house before the 3pm showing was due to come in. Got home that night and had 3 more business cards of realtors that came through with clients. We all got ready to bathe/shower (Sunday was the twins' christening) and while Mike and Braeden were in the shower, the doorbell rings. It's one of the realtors that had been in, asking if his client could come back in for a 2nd viewing, because they were very interested. I explained that someone was in the shower, but that they could come back in 20 minutes. They came in, and spent a few minutes and then were on their way.

At this point we had a total of 7 showings, one of which came back for a 2nd viewing. Just as we were about to walk out the door on Sunday, 6/5, we get a call from our realtor that there was an offer put in the night before. Unfortunately, the people wanted to close in 20 days. Which would have meant us being out of the house on 6/24. The money part of it wasn't too bad (after the credit they wanted , it would have been $3,900 under listing price), but there was no way that closing was going to happen. So we counteroffered with a close date of the end of August.

We went about our business on Sunday, and attended the twins' christening and enjoyed the sunny (hot!) weather. The kids played in the kiddie pool and the adults talked, relaxed and ate. Just as we were getting ready to leave, Mike checked his cell phone (which had been on vibrate all day because he forgot to switch it back over after being in church), and he had a voice mail. It was our realtor - with ANOTHER offer, which he said was much better.

And much better it was. They were offering us $100 OVER our asking price, with a close date of July 29, BUT, because they are buying it as an investment, they are going to be renting it out - so we can stay the month of August and just pick up their mortgage as "rent". They won't be making any money off us for that month - but they won't have any expenses either -- and, it's LESS that we pay for our mortgage now. We signed the contract last night.

After 12 showings, and only 2 days, our house is sold. We didn't even have a for sale sign displayed yet, pictures weren't taken -- all that had been done was our house was listed in the MLS, that's about it.

The buyers are having their inspection done on Friday, and hopefully all goes smooth with that.

I can't even begin to tell you how exhausted I felt last night. It was almost as if it was SUCH a relief that it took every last bit of energy out of my body. No sooner did the realtor leave with the signed paperwork, but we were just about ready for bed.

It feels good that we should be able to get back to some normalcy around here now. As soon as the inspection is done and everything goes well with that, the lockbox will come off the door and we just wait for the closing.

Maybe now I won't feel so rushed and stressed - feeling like I NEED to be cleaning or straightening or doing this and that -- and instead just spend MORE time together as a family.

Busy Bees

It's nonstop in our household. Insanity I tell you.

I just finished straightening, dusting and packing some things from the bookshelf in our bedroom. Looks *soooooo* nice now. Our bedroom is --->this<--- close to being completely ready. Slowly we're getting closer and closer to having each and every room prepared and then we'll thoroughly clean each one (dusting, vaccuming).

We have been busting our asses around here and still trying to spend quality time with the kids. So most of the time we're working our tails off after the kids are in bed for the night. Like now; it's 10:30 and Mike is busy painting. We broke down and just decided to paint - just the entryway, staircase - and maybe the hallway. We're waiting to see if we can stop at a certain point, or if you'll be able to tell what is fresh paint and what is not. If there is a big difference, we'll just have to finish up the painting.

Otherwise the realtor said the paint looks pretty good - and that some of the small marks could probably be taken care of with soap & water. Maybe our house isn't so bad afterall. Cluttered - yes. I'll be the first to admit that. And while it's not the cleanest in the world - I'm sure it's MUCH better than some homes these realtors walk into.

So, we've been busy packing things away that we won't need. In fact, we've done ALOT of packing. And then we've been straightening, tidying and fixing a few minor things up. And having garage sales nearly every weekend (at least 1 per weekend, but this past weekend we had it Fri & Sat). They have been very sucessful -- we've made over $1300 total. Gotten rid of a *TON* but we still have boxes and boxes of things yet to get rid of.

Tomorrow is our pre-drywall appointment. We get to walk thru the house and they'll show us the "heart" of the house. We'll get to see all the plumbing, duct work, electrical, etc. and they'll explain how things work. They also recommend videotaping/photographing so that if we ever needed to do any work, we'd know where certain things are rather than putting random holes in the walls. So, we're all going to be enjoying a day off of work. :)

Speaking of work - my dad is nearly jumping for joy. He's got a whopping TWO days left of work (Thurs & Fri) and then he's RETIRED. He is THRILLED. He absolutely cannot wait. I'm so proud of him.

Oh - and before I forget. I should update you all on Larry - the driver, my coworker. He's doing so much better. It's amazing how well he is doing for what he went through. He ended up getting a tracheotomy done to help with the breathing and he did end up starting to breathe on his own. He was doing so well he was transfered from the ICU at the hospital to a rehabilitation hospital. It's now a matter of healing and therapy to get himself moving & functioning. We went and visited him yesterday during our lunch hour at work. He looks so different - not in a bad way - but not what we had been used to. And I don't handle seeing someone like that - so I ended up feeling so sad when we left. While I'm grateful and happy that he is doing well -- it was still hard to see him in a wheelchair, with a c-collar on, and his body cast (turtle shell looking thing), not able to move much, and just barely being able to talk. It was hard. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay. So, he's already come a long way. Considering he had been pronounced dead on the scene - he's really made some incredible leaps & bounds. We're grateful for that, but we really, really miss the "old" Larry. In just 5 more days it'll be 1 month since his accident.

And so I should end this now ... I desperately need to put on some pajamas and just RELAX. No staring at the computer screen, no dusting, no packing -- just RELAXING. My body is tired, as well as my mind.

Things to Do

- Do invitations for Kaelynn's 1st birthday party
* Print invitations
* Address envelopes for invitations
* Stamp invitations
* Mail invitations (by May 25th)
- Make 30 20 lollipop favors for K's 1st birthday party
- Make mini candy bars for K's 1st birthday party
* Print wrappers
* Buy Candy
* Cut & glue wrappers
- Get house ready to be put on the market
* Prepare/Clean Kitchen/Dining Room
* Prepare/Clean Living Room
* Prepare/Clean downstairs Bathroom
* Prepare/Clean Master Bedroom
* Prepare/Clean upstairs Bathroom
-- Patch wall in shower
-- Fix toilet paper holder
-- Replace burnt out lightbulbs in fixture
* Prepare/Clean Bedroom 2
* Prepare/Clean Bedroom 3
* Prepare/Clean Garage
- Mail 1st birthday exchange gift

Things To Do

- Do invitations for Kaelynn's 1st birthday party
* Print invitations
* Address envelopes for invitations
* Mail invitations (by May 25th)
- Make lollipop favors for K's 1st birthday party
- Make mini candy bars for K's 1st birthday party
* Print wrappers
* Buy Candy
* Cut & glue wrappers
- Get house ready to be put on the market
* Prepare/Clean Kitchen/Dining Room
* Prepare/Clean Living Room
* Prepare/Clean downstairs Bathroom
* Prepare/Clean Master Bedroom
* Prepare/Clean upstairs Bathroom
-- Patch wall in shower
-- Replace burnt out lightbulbs in fixture
* Prepare/Clean Bedroom 2
* Prepare/Clean Bedroom 3
* Prepare/Clean Garage

No time to breathe

I feel like I've been going nonstop for the past month. I've been busting my butt around the house, trying to pack and tidy up and make it presentable. There's still a TON to do. As much as I do, I look around and see what still needs to be done, and it's discouraging.

And then we're still trying to make time as a family. Today Braeden says "I like doing stuff" and we asked him what kind of stuff. He said "Stuff with Mom and Daddy". It's those things that make you realize just how important it is to spend time as a family and do different things together. It's not like we did something extravaggent today -- it was a simple trip to the mall to pick up pictures at JcPenney and then browse for something for me to wear to the twins' christening early next month. But apparently spending the day with his family was what he enjoyed the most.

So despite everything we need to do - we're trying to fit in some family activities along the way as well. It's hard, though. I wish we could afford to pay someone to come in and help pack and clean. It would make life so much easier. Well, a little easier at least.

We've also been having garage sales every Saturday - weather permitting, of course. My parents come, and the kids and I sit outside and play until Mike gets home from work. So far we've had about 5 sales - and have made $950. Pretty darn good - plus we're getting rid of alot. There's still a TON more to get rid of. Whatever doesn't sell when we're finished having sales - we're donating.

We still don't have an estimate of when the house will be ready. But our pre-drywall appointment is already coming up in less than 2 weeks. So things are really coming along. It's the water treatment plant, water tower, etc that all needs to be up and running prior to anyone taking possession of their house. I'm guessing we should be moving in mid-late August, early September at the latest.

Hopefully we'll be able to get a buyer on our townhome that wants to close early-mid September. That would work the best. We'll see how lucky we get. If someone wants to buy our place and close sooner -- we may just have to grin and bear it and take the offer. My boss did offer to let us stay in their fully finished basement if our place sold sooner than the new house was ready. I don't know how I'd feel about that - but it's nice to know we'd have *somewhere* to go.

It's hard to believe we're already halfway through May. This year is flying. Before we know it, it'll be time to move in the new house - and then it'll be Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas and then 2006!!!!

Now I'm sitting here and I'm thinking of everything that needs to be done and I'm starting to stress again. I need to relax and just take a deep breath. Everything will work out. I just need to get telling myself that.

First things first, here's a list of things that need to be done by June 1st.

- Do invitations for Kaelynn's 1st birthday party
* Print invitations
* Address envelopes for invitations
* Mail invitations (by May 25th)
- Get house ready to be put on the market
* Prepare/Clean Kitchen/Dining Room
* Prepare/Clean Living Room
* Prepare/Clean downstairs Bathroom
* Prepare/Clean Master Bedroom
* Prepare/Clean upstairs Bathroom
* Prepare/Clean Bedroom 2
* Prepare/Clean Bedroom 3
* Prepare/Clean Garage

Another thing on my mind

Besides the Vasilev children brutally murdered, I've had something else on my mind. Don't get me wrong - alot of my thoughts go back to those poor kids, and their father finding them in pools of their own blood. The 911 tape was released the other day. Luckily I haven't heard it, but I did read the transcript. That was enough for me. I don't think I could mentally handle hearing it.

But, now for the other thing that is weighing on my mind.

One of my coworkers - one of the drivers - was in a serious car accident on Friday afternoon. We're such a small company that we're all very close -- it's like a second family.

The accident is still a mystery to this day. The police aren't sure how or why it happened. His pickup truck went off the road, over a birm which caused the truck to go airborne, hitting branches on a tree 9 feet in the air. It then landed back on the ground, crossing another street (over a median), hitting more trees, and then finally ending against the side of a building of a business. At some point he was ejected from the truck - out the side driver side window.

Everyone is puzzled. But mostly, everyone is worried.

He has been unconcious since the accident. And he's on breathing machines. He did take his first breath on his own yesterday, and continued to breathe for 5 minutes before needing the machines again. They did also get a quick response - when the nurse was holding his hand, she said "Tell me if it hurts" and he squeezed her hand. But that's all they've gotten from him.

His life hangs on the line. Everyone at work is constantly thinking of him, wanting updates and you can tell - everyone is fighting a bit of depression. To be honest, we really miss him. Terribly.

His wife seems to be in the best spirits possible. I'm trying to think positively - but I also know that being on life support is very, very serious. And that maybe he won't ever start and continue to breathe on his own.

His injuries are extensive. He broke his back in 3 places, 20 ribs are cracked, both lungs punctured, and there's evidence of some brain damage. That's just the short list. Many bones are broken, tendons severed. Things are not good.

We're continuing to pray for him.