Sadness

My Grams passed away today.

6 days ago (Wednesday) she underwent surgery on her brain to relieve a massive bleed from the result of a fall. The neurosurgeon tried to be optimistic, but told us that with her history of medical problems, she was no easy case, and that he was worried about many things.

She went through the surgery like a champ, and everyone was pleased with the way she seemed to be recovering. My mom and dad saw her Saturday afternoon and said she looked "good" considering, and that she recognized them and even joked with them (she couldn't talk because she had just come off the ventilator, but she patted my dad's fat belly as a joke). Then Saturday night she took a turn for the worst. She started having seizures and the bleeding was back.

It's been a waiting game ever since, and I've been praying that if God wanted to take her, to just do it and stop making her suffer. It was devastating to see her like that. I still can see what she looked like -- how awful and how pitiful she looked. I wanted to help her so bad.

She's gone now, and I want her back. I miss her already. I know she's no longer suffering and she's in a better place, but God, why does it hurt so much?