A Storm of Uncertainty

I don't want Mike to take this job. I REALLY don't.

He's having no part of even LISTENING to a word I have to say about how I feel about it.

He just feels that it's a JOB and that we NEED the MONEY - end of story.

He doesn't care that he may never get to spend quality time with us as family. It's like his 2 children don't matter one bit, because they will still have mommy home with them in the evenings, and mommy will be there on the weekends.

He doesn't seem to care that most nights he probably won't get to sit at the dinner table with us. Or the fact that it's quite possible he'll need to work on HOLIDAYS. It's a restaurant for Christ's sake!!!! Not all restaurants close for Christmas or Easter.

But, to him, that's okay, because mommy will still be home with the kids. And it's okay because he'll be bringing home a paycheck. SO WHAT???

What is the point in making money, if you don't get to ENJOY it? And not so much to go out on the weekends and spend the money, or go here, or visit there --- even just staying at home as a family and taking a walk to the park, or having a picnic, or playing video games. We won't be able to do ANY of that as a family. It'll always just be me & the kids while daddy is at work ALL THE TIME.

I'm feeling incredibly torn, and my stomach is in knots. I know he wants to work, and I know we need the money. BUT - he does have *some* money coming in from unemployment now, so it's not like it's ONLY my salary. He just doesn't understand my point that the "right" job could just be a couple weeks off yet.

Instead, he'll start training this Friday for a job that is most likely going to take him away from his family more than he's with it. AND - we have had things planned for the next 5 weekends which can just go straight down the toilet, because I can guarantee they'll still need to do training on the weekends.

I can't handle my husband being gone all the time. I cannot handle working full time, coming home to take on all the parenting responsibilities by myself, possibly getting 10 minutes with my husband if he happens to get home before I fall asleep so I can start my day all over again, and then being on parental duty by myself all weekend long with not one minute to relax or clear my head.

You know how I see this going .... me, at my wits end, totally exhausted from working all week, and then not having just a bit of help with the kids or around the house on the weekends, and keep repeating that process. I'll be burnt out in no time. Our marriage will go straight down the tubes, because there will be no time for romance, let alone even TALKING to one another.

So my question is this .... do I start filling out the divorce papers now or later?