Jealousy

Okay, so I have to vent.

Lately I've been feeling jealous of others. Others that are having their THIRD child.

I don't know why. I'm not itching to have another baby right now.

Perhaps it's that I don't know if we ever will have another baby. Sometimes I feel like our family should have 1 more .... and other times I feel that the two we have is enough.

I was doing okay until I found out an old online "friend" -- one that was on a mailing list with me, and we didn't always see eye to eye -- is pregnant with her 3rd child. Her 2nd is only a few days younger than Kaelynn.

The main thing that REALLY gets me about it - is - they CAN'T afford it. In her blog - she mentions that she'd love to be able to listen to the baby like she did with her last pregnancy - but that they can't afford the $22/month for the doppler now. HELLO?? Then how can you afford a BABY?

I sometimes wonder about God's "plan" and why He chooses to do certain things. Why give a child to a couple that can't afford it? Not to say the child wouldn't thrive and be loved -- but why give the blessing to a couple that cannot afford it. Sure, a doppler is really a "luxury" that you don't need to have. But -- if there isn't $22/month extra to use as you will (whether it be one meal out to McD's, or just stashed away for an emergency) -- then is there even enough to cover diapers, wipes, formula (okay, so they could be breastfeeding - BUT - things do happen and even breastfeeders with every attempt to keep going cannot for reasons out of their control)?

And why did God's "plan" consist of putting nearly the entire city of New Orleans under water? Thousands and thousands and thousands left homeless, jobless -- many lost their lives.

I can see why some people lose their faith in God. Sometimes I do question Him myself. And I am a believer that all things "happen for a reason" -- but -- what reason would Hurricane Katrina be?