Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Why can't we just win the lottery?

Then there wouldn't be any worries of Mike having to take a job working 55 hours a week and being away from his family.

:sigh: But until then, this is life.

Mike starts training for the new job on Friday. He "says" he'll talk to them about our plans that have already been made weeks in advance. We'll see what happens with that. All I know is that the next 4 weekends include many different family affairs, parties, weddings, etc.

But - I do have to mention this - Mike went to an "open house" of sorts for a job at Comcast. They had him do a series of "tests", which the way he explained it sounds as if the questions were comparable to those of which can be found on an IQ test. He must have done well, because they asked him to come back for a second interview next Wednesday. We'll see how all that pans out.

I did get some more info on the Baker's Square job. Schedule varies and he'd be working anywhere from 40 to 55 hours a week. I told him that 40 hours is ALOT different from 55 because with a salaried position, the more hours you work, technically the less money you make per hour.

So - as it stands, Baker's Square would be about $7-$8,000 more *yearly* than Comcast. BUT - if you break it down hourly (Comcast pays by the hour) - he'd be making MORE at Comcast if he was pulling 55 hour weeks at Baker's Square.

And with Comcast, he'd be home with his family one heck of a lot MORE.

Looking at the money aspect of it -- we could definitely survive on the income of Comcast. It'd be just around what he was making at LaVazza (actually, I think it's a *tad* bit more). So - it would be doable.

But, at this point, we're only heading towards a 2nd interview. It's not like a job has been offered. So - I'm really getting ahead of myself in thinking.

My moods swing from one minute to the next. One minute I want to just go running and not have to deal with this. And the next minute I think - yes, this may only be temporary and everything WILL be OK.

Monday, September 26, 2005

A Storm of Uncertainty

I don't want Mike to take this job. I REALLY don't.

He's having no part of even LISTENING to a word I have to say about how I feel about it.

He just feels that it's a JOB and that we NEED the MONEY - end of story.

He doesn't care that he may never get to spend quality time with us as family. It's like his 2 children don't matter one bit, because they will still have mommy home with them in the evenings, and mommy will be there on the weekends.

He doesn't seem to care that most nights he probably won't get to sit at the dinner table with us. Or the fact that it's quite possible he'll need to work on HOLIDAYS. It's a restaurant for Christ's sake!!!! Not all restaurants close for Christmas or Easter.

But, to him, that's okay, because mommy will still be home with the kids. And it's okay because he'll be bringing home a paycheck. SO WHAT???

What is the point in making money, if you don't get to ENJOY it? And not so much to go out on the weekends and spend the money, or go here, or visit there --- even just staying at home as a family and taking a walk to the park, or having a picnic, or playing video games. We won't be able to do ANY of that as a family. It'll always just be me & the kids while daddy is at work ALL THE TIME.

I'm feeling incredibly torn, and my stomach is in knots. I know he wants to work, and I know we need the money. BUT - he does have *some* money coming in from unemployment now, so it's not like it's ONLY my salary. He just doesn't understand my point that the "right" job could just be a couple weeks off yet.

Instead, he'll start training this Friday for a job that is most likely going to take him away from his family more than he's with it. AND - we have had things planned for the next 5 weekends which can just go straight down the toilet, because I can guarantee they'll still need to do training on the weekends.

I can't handle my husband being gone all the time. I cannot handle working full time, coming home to take on all the parenting responsibilities by myself, possibly getting 10 minutes with my husband if he happens to get home before I fall asleep so I can start my day all over again, and then being on parental duty by myself all weekend long with not one minute to relax or clear my head.

You know how I see this going .... me, at my wits end, totally exhausted from working all week, and then not having just a bit of help with the kids or around the house on the weekends, and keep repeating that process. I'll be burnt out in no time. Our marriage will go straight down the tubes, because there will be no time for romance, let alone even TALKING to one another.

So my question is this .... do I start filling out the divorce papers now or later?

Friday, September 23, 2005


Just a few days ago, the first check from unemployment arrived. Today, Mike got a call and was offered a job. This is great news, as it's been nearly a month since he's been out of work.

But, I have mixed emotions about it. You see, the position is as an assistant manager (actually, a position lower than he was holding when he worked for LaVazza/Premium Espresso). BUT -- even so -- it pays $8,000 more a year. Health insurance after 90 days, 401k, etc.

So, it sounds great, right? Well, yes, on the money aspect of it all. But, it's the food service business. A restaurant. Chances are they close at 10-11pm. It's going to keep him away from the family alot more than I'd like.

But what can I do? We NEED him to work. We can't live on just my income. And alot of the other jobs he interviewed for were much less than we'd be able to work with.

I'm so torn. Part of me is happy that he'll be working, and we'll have a steady second income coming in again. But the other part of me is screaming "NOOOOOOO, NOT AGAIN!!!!!"

I really don't know ...... I want to cry. I feel sick over it. I do not want him to be away from us for 50 + hours a week.

Really, I guess I'm being a bit silly because we don't know what the hours would be as of now - and perhaps Baker's Square operates NOTHING like Sbarro did working their employees 12 hours a day. Maybe they have enough managers and assistant managers that they can work "normal" 8 hour shifts. Then again, part of me is saying, "Don't be naive. It's the restaurant business!! Long hours are a GIVEN!"

I just don't think I can handle him working ALL WEEKEND long like he did at Sbarro.

I wish I could hand over all these worries and make them go away. Or give me the answers so that I don't even need to worry.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Happy Birthday, Grandpa

Today my grandfather would have been celebrating a birthday.

It's hard to believe he's been gone 14 years.

I miss him alot. He died when I was in 6th grade. Missed out on so much of my life.

Graduating junior high, getting my first job, learning to drive & getting my license, graduating high school, getting engaged, moving out on my own, having my first baby, buying our first home, having my second baby, having our second home built.

I know he's probably up there watching over me, and I'm sure he's proud. But how I wish he could have been here to share in our joy. And how I wish he could have met my children.

Happy Birthday, Gramps. I miss you & love you, always.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Pet Peeve

When spammers come along and leave comments on my blog.


The search continues

Mike is still searching for a job. I'm starting to get a bit of a nervous feeling in my stomach over it.

He has been practically glued to his laptop - surfing the web for job listings, sending out his resume and visiting sites like monster.com and the like.

He's also interviewed at several places so far. Nothing has panned out - some were just too low in pay.

One place did call him back and they want him in for another interview. It's for an online university. Hours don't seem to bad - and hey - it's like $10,000 or more a year than he was making.

So, I keep praying that an unbelievable job comes along soon. I just know there's something even better out there waiting for him.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

We'll Never Forget ...... 9/11

It's been 4 years.

I still haven't forgotten that day.

I'm sure I never will.

In memory of those that lost their lives that day ......

We'll never forget.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

5 years ago

Five years ago tomorrow I exchanged vows and became a wife. :) I can't believe it's been 5 years already. Then again .... ONLY five years? Some days hubby drives me so crazy it feels like it's been 25! Really, though ... it feels good to make it to the 5 year mark and still be going strong.

Two friends that got married the same year as I did, just a few months before us (one in April, the other in May) have already gotten divorced. Funny thing is, BOTH of them are already REMARRIED. Didn't waste time when it came to finding Husband #2.

So, hubby and I are planning an evening out tomorrow. Dinner and a movie. Except I have NO idea what movie to go see.

I'm thinking Charlie & the Chocolate Factory because I have been dying to see it since it came out - but I'm not sure if I can talk Mike into it. I think he wants to see it - but not sure if it classifies as "theater material" for him. Then I saw that Cole Hauser (YUM! HOTTIE!!) is in The Cave, but from what I've read the reviews aren't that great.

Anyone have any ideas on what movie to see??

Anywho ..... I'm sitting here in the computer room, the windows open and there is this gorgeous, cool, fresh breeze blowing in. It's wonderful. I can hear the sprinklers going on the freshly laid sod. There are 3 houses that should be closing soon - so we'll have some neighbors. In fact, the ranch directly next door to us already did their walk thru late last week, so we are assuming their closing is happening this week and maybe by this weekend we'll see just who our neighbors are.

So far it's been really nice living in the community. We're the only ones living on this side of the subdivision so far. There are probably about a dozen homes on the other side that already have people living in them. But we've walked around the neighborhood a couple times - and people are so friendly. They stop, wave, say hello ... even when they drive by in their cars they wave out the window. I hope we end up with neighbors that have kids the same age as ours. It would be nice to have some neighborhood playmates for them.

Well, it's nearing 9:30 now and I think I'm going to grab a refreshing can of Diet Coke, a snack and veg on the couch and watch some tv for awhile before bed. I'd like to get a good amount of sleep tonight so we can stay out a bit later tomorrow. Though, knowing me, I'll be ready for bed halfway through whatever movie we decide to watch! Actually going out for a night out sometimes makes me MORE tired than when we're at home taking care of the kids!!!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Picture time!

I posted a few recent pictures -- ones of the kids and one of the new house. :)

That's really all for now -- don't have much else to say. Usually you can't shut me up ... and today, well, for the moment I'm at a loss for words I guess.

Taking a cruise over to the park

My silly baby girl, Kaelynn

My handsome little man, Braeden

Our finished home!!

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Ain't this the truth!

Your Fortune Is

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.


Okay, so I have to vent.

Lately I've been feeling jealous of others. Others that are having their THIRD child.

I don't know why. I'm not itching to have another baby right now.

Perhaps it's that I don't know if we ever will have another baby. Sometimes I feel like our family should have 1 more .... and other times I feel that the two we have is enough.

I was doing okay until I found out an old online "friend" -- one that was on a mailing list with me, and we didn't always see eye to eye -- is pregnant with her 3rd child. Her 2nd is only a few days younger than Kaelynn.

The main thing that REALLY gets me about it - is - they CAN'T afford it. In her blog - she mentions that she'd love to be able to listen to the baby like she did with her last pregnancy - but that they can't afford the $22/month for the doppler now. HELLO?? Then how can you afford a BABY?

I sometimes wonder about God's "plan" and why He chooses to do certain things. Why give a child to a couple that can't afford it? Not to say the child wouldn't thrive and be loved -- but why give the blessing to a couple that cannot afford it. Sure, a doppler is really a "luxury" that you don't need to have. But -- if there isn't $22/month extra to use as you will (whether it be one meal out to McD's, or just stashed away for an emergency) -- then is there even enough to cover diapers, wipes, formula (okay, so they could be breastfeeding - BUT - things do happen and even breastfeeders with every attempt to keep going cannot for reasons out of their control)?

And why did God's "plan" consist of putting nearly the entire city of New Orleans under water? Thousands and thousands and thousands left homeless, jobless -- many lost their lives.

I can see why some people lose their faith in God. Sometimes I do question Him myself. And I am a believer that all things "happen for a reason" -- but -- what reason would Hurricane Katrina be?

Friday, September 02, 2005


Because of the move, I hadn't watched tv in a week. I was starting to feel very disconnected from the world. Even though I don't watch much tv in the first place - not having it to catch a few minutes of news coverage or whatnot made me feel lost.

I had heard about Katrina, but thought it was just a tropical storm - nothing to write home about. And being in the midwest, the most we may see from the hurricanes and tropical storms are some rain showers. So, on Monday I started hearing more and more on the radio - and I felt like I was trapped in a bubble and could not get the rest of the information.

Then an online friend (originally from Louisiana, now stationed in Nevada) posted that her some of her husband's family was missing. 6 relatives were missing. Finally, 5 of them were located yesterday. The 6th was located today. All are safe. They've lost everything - but all of them have their lives.

It was around the time of her post - and the more I was hearing on the radio (the news that 80% of New Orleans was underwater - some areas as deep as 20 feet had me the most curious) - that I was wondering what on earth was going on down there. Then I started checking online news stories, the NOLA website ..... it was then that I realized just how horrible the situation was.

And it seems that the more I read and the more pictures I see now, the more horrible it truly is. So many people without homes. Without clothes. Some without their loved ones. So many people with NOTHING left and nothing to return to. Everything just gone.

Hurricane Katrina showed no mercy on them. From my understanding 3 states were hit the worst, and Mississippi's death toll is already nearing 150 (the last time I checked). And New Orlean's mayor was estimating hundreds - most likely THOUSANDS - dead. It's so sad. So, so, so sad.

While it's not effecting me as much as 9/11 did - I'm still feeling helpless and upset. I still want to cry for those people and wish I was closer to lend a helping hand.

I did do something. Maybe it's not alot - but it still felt good. Another online friend lives right outside of Houston. Since many of the refugees were sent to the Astrodome, there are some collections being taken at churches and such. She mentioned that she had taken some boxes of things over, and that these volunteers sort through the boxes and are immediately handing these things out. So late last night, I packed up a box of women's shirts, a few baby outfits, a baby blanket, some washcloths, cotton balls, plastic bowls, bars of soap, sheets, plastic spoons/forks/knives and some toddler "graduate" meals and I shipped it off to my friend today. Once she gets it, she'll take it over and instantly the items I donated will be going to a victim.

My heart goes out to those affected & my prayers are with them all.