The Things Kids Say

I've got a couple.

First - a bit of background: This past weekend I was out doing some serious bargain shopping with my mom. I happened upon a 2-foot purple tinsel pre-lit tree that I knew my boss would have loved (the entire basement is done in purple) and it was on clearance, and an additional 50% off, so I snagged it for $2.98! But anyway.....

I bring the tree home and have it sitting where I won't forget it come Monday morning (and yeah, I forgot it anyway).

More background, background: For those that don't know, I was promoted to general manager back in August. It's been mentioned around that house that I'm the 'boss' there now.

So, anyway.....back to this weekend.

There's the tree and my son sees it and says:

"What is this?"

Me: "It's a purple tree. Don't touch; it's for my boss."

He looks at me puzzled and says:

"I thought you were the boss?!"

Ahhh, that's right, son. Both at work and home. (evil laughter)
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Then this evening....

My daughter and I get in the shower together. We do this most evenings when I've got a million things to do, and about 2 hours to do it in. Ah, who am I kidding -- even if all I want to do is curl up in a new fuzzy robe and watch American Idol (incidentally, that was exactly tonight's agenda), then that's how we roll.

So we're in the shower and she tells me I have a cute butt. At first I didn't understand 'cute' and thought she was saying 'huge'. I had her repeat it, and I still had to ask to confirm. Perhaps at this point she knew she was on thin ice and decided - Wait! Yes, that's right mom, I said cute! What did you think I said? Huge??? Noooooooo way!!! That's just silly! CUTE! Your. Butt. Is. Cute.

But that's not all.

She notices my boobs....my breasts....my twins.....my ta-ta's.....whatever you call them in your world. Well, it was chilly in the bathroom and the water was hitting them and well.....you know what happens.

So she's poking at my nipples.

"Mommy! Your.....your meatloaf things.....there's soap on them!" (all while she's got her pointer finger straight out and inverting my nipple)

"Meatloaf things????????"

"Yeah......these lumps."

Okay. I truly don't get it. Now I've got a complex. Do my nipples look like pieces of meatloaf? Is that why men like them?! God, if only I could get my ass to look like a potato!!!

(We did have meatloaf for dinner - but I'm still not sure what the similarity is between my nipples and meatloaf?? Not the same color, texture, and I'm sure as hell certain they don't taste like beef and bread crumbs.)