I don't care who you are, that's funny right there...

Did you hear?

Denny's is offering a new breakfast meal: The Octo-Slam.

You get fourteen eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

Bullets because that's all my mind can handle right now

• Oberweis Birthday Cake flavored ice cream is heaven (or hell!) on Earth. I finished off a quart in 3 days.
• Getting into my car for the first time after the break-in made me queasy.
• In exactly 5 weeks, I'll be meeting NKOTB.
• I need Boob-A-Thon participants!!! Send 'em in! snarkysarah AT gmail DOT com
• I'm developing a slight addiction to Twitter.
• My new (shorter) hours and (less) pay start next week. *sigh*
  
  
  
  

Suck the Life Right Outta Me

There's no way to sugar coat any of this, so I'll just get right down to the Royal Suckfest that is my life.

I took a pay cut at work yesterday. Well, I'd rather leave it than take it, but that's not a choice. The only bit of saving grace is that I'm not required to still work my normal 40.5 hours a week with less pay. Instead I'll only be working 30 hours. But we're still talking losing 1/4 of my salary.

And yes - I am thanking my lucky stars that I still have a job, but it's still difficult.

Then there's my mother's health. She came down with what we thought was the stomach flu last week. Instead of getting better, she was getting worse. It warranted a trip to the urgent care yesterday morning which found she's got bacterial pneumonia.

But that's not the issue.

The radiologist felt the spot on her lung was too large. They suggested having another x-ray done in 10 days. The doctor she saw, said that with her symptoms and the way her lungs sounded, felt it shouldn't be a need for a worry, that it was just pneumonia and that it would be clear for the next x-ray.

Still. I'm trying not to borrow trouble, but honestly - how can I not?

I was still wrapping my mind around our car troubles and the thought that some disgusting piece of human flesh was touching my stuff. And now I get to deal with rebudgeting and seeing if our family can survive with my new income, all while worrying about what could be hiding out on my mom's lung.

I'm not doing so well.

Excuse me, did you just say our car window was smashed?

This weekend we surprised the kids with a getaway to an indoor waterpark resort. They were thrilled, and we were happy to do something special with them.

It all started fine, but by 2:30 Saturday afternoon, our fun weekend turned ugly.

Hotel security came up to our room to let us know that our car had a window busted out.

Hubby went out with them, they phoned the police and waited for them to arrive. They took photographs and filled out a report (the hoodlums got away with our radar detector, cell phone charger, outlet adapter thingy (nice technical name, huh?) and the charger for the GPS). I'm assuming it was the windshield mount that tipped off the crooks into thinking they'd hit the jackpot with our car (did I mention we haven't even made our first car payment on it yet?). They rifled through our glove box and just tossed everything onto the passenger seat.

I have never felt so violated in my life. And it just sickens me to think that someone was going through my stuff. And it pisses me off that these nogoodmotherfuckers care less about damaging people's property to try to make a quick buck. I hope the pawn shops in the area didn't give them anymore than $5 for the goods. Bastards.

While it could have been worse, I'm still irritated, angry, upset and distraught over the whole ordeal. There were no glass places open to come repair it - despite ads in the yellow pages offering "Same Day Emergency Service" - and did I mention that it was SNOWING? Yeah.

Wide open space where a window used to be + Snow = One Big Snowy Mess INSIDE Car.

We didn't know what else to do. We were supposed to be staying another night, but how could we leave our car in the parking lot - while it was snowing - with no window? Hubby finally called our dealership, and while the service department was already closed, they made some calls and the service manager called back from home to say that they could get it fixed first thing Monday, and that if we could get it there by 5:30-6:00, they'd be able to get us a loaner as well (no charge).

So he drives 50 miles to go take the car in - and then 50 miles back to the hotel where me and the kids had been for the last FOUR HOURS, where he finally goes to the front desk and says "Our day has been shot, I've spent the last 4 hours dealing with this car thing and my wife has just had enough". They will be sending us a voucher for a night's stay (not really much out of their pocket - we stayed with a "Pay for One Night, Get a Night Free" deal - and left a night early). We arrived home just after 8:30pm and I couldn't have been happier. I had my own bed, my cat, and a feeling of security after an emotional day.

You don't realize how much something like this can effect you. I was emotional and there were tears. Not only tears of frustration and anger, but of disappointment that we had to wrap up our weekend early. I just couldn't stay another night, and it would have been silly at that point anyway....I was emotional and would have had no desire to go back down to the pool.

And to the sorry excuse of human life: I don't doubt that this will catch up to you and that you will be caught one day. And I hope you end up with the biggest, thickest, toughest man in prison that has a serious cheek fetish. Don't drop the soap, dumbfuck.

The Things Kids Say

Do any of you have kids that assume you were born yesterday?

For instance, the other night, my kids thought it was acceptable to take the belts from their robes and play with them.

They were in my son's room and when I appeared in the doorway, they stopped in their tracks, hands behind their backs, to which my son looks at me and says...

"What?! We're just two ordinary kids."

I swear, I don't know where he comes up with this stuff.

Boob-A-Thon 2009

As I posted recently, I am trying to decide just what organization(s) I will be donating to this year.

I have made the decision that the first organization will be Susan G. Komen for the cure of breast cancer.

I supported this organization last year when my good friend Jules participated in the 3-day walk in Chicago. I kicked it up a notch and decided to do something fun in means of fundraising. I hosted the first ever Snarkalicious Boob-A-Thon, which between direct donations and matching contributions, raised $300.

This year, I have decided that I will be supporting Susan G. Komen again, this time in honor of Betty Wood.

Some of you are probably wondering just who this woman is, and it's not someone I know personally (though I would have liked to, however, I did meet her at a NKOTB Parents autograph signing at the mall way back in the day). She is the mother of NKOTB member, Danny Wood.

It's no secret that I am addicted and love all things New Kids. Now I can take that love and do good with it.

With that said, I will also need your help. Please consider participating in the 2009 Snarkalicious Boob-A-Thon. Send a photo of your "girls" (tasteful, please!) and for every unique set, I will donate $2. Guys can participate, too (did you that men can also get breast cancer?).


(feel free to take the above imagine and link on your site)

I will post the photos weekly (I can link you, or you can submit anonymously) and keep a running tab of money raised.

If you don't feel like you can participate by showing your boobs (again, tasteful - cleavage is okay, nipples not so much), please consider making a direct donation. You can also help by donating prizes to be awarded to Boob-A-Thon participants (contact me if you'd like to help).

The stipulations are:
1) Submission must be tasteful
2) Submission must be your own (please don't send me photos of your neighbor's rack - I don't want any nasty grams in my inbox)
3) Only one submission per person (if you are undecided and want to send a couple photos, that is fine, but I will select which to post, and it will only be counted as 1 monetary amount)
4) While I am hoping that I will get more submissions than I can keep up with, please understand that I am not a millionaire (plus, I have a NKOTB habit to support!) and will need to cap off the donations at the amount that best suits myself and my family

How to participate:
Email me at snarkysarah AT gmail DOT com
Include your name (or blog name) and if you would like to be linked or not

Keep yourself healthy, check your "girls" and Remember Betty...

BlogHer '09; Who's Going?

It's been official for quite awhile that I'd be attending, but I haven't talked much about it. Not for lack of wanting to, it's just that there are a million other things happening prior to July.

At this point, my toes are still so frozen from sub-zero temps and what seemed like 20 feet of snow (thank heavens it all melted, and even the very light accumulation we got after that is nearly all gone as well), that I can't even imagine summer at this point.

I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day in the sense that every morning I wake up to an Arctic tundra. I feel like summer will never come.

And since just a few short weeks after BlogHer, summer will be coming to an end and the kids will be back to school (that part isn't necessarily a bad thing), I don't want to rush things either.

All that said, however, I am looking forward to going. BFF and I will be going & rooming together. I can only imagine what tales we'll have to tell after.

So - tell me - are you going? I'd love to meet you!

The Things Kids Say

The other night we're discussing favorite animals, and of course my kids couldn't pick just one. They are both rattling off the names of every animal they could think of.

Giraffe, penguin, lion, monkey, gorilla...

My son says "A gorilla is a monkey..."

To which hubby says "Actually, it's a primate"

And my son asks "It's a Prime Ape?"

I just about fell out of the chair. He honestly thought that's what was said.

So, next time you're at the zoo, stop by the primeape house.

Valentine's Day Came Early

We don't typically do much for Valentine's Day. Hubby is not the card-buying, mushy-gushy type, so I just sort of followed suit and agreed not to make much of the holiday.

This year I wanted to do something special because I'm getting all sorts of fun things, and he was pretty good at spoiling me this Christmas. I'm looking forward to a NKOTB concert and Meet & Greet, as well as the BlogHer conference this summer. So, it was only fair that I do something nice to show my gratitude.

Except I wasn't sure what to do. And while I'm sure my gift would not be a big deal for some, I felt it was something special and from my heart.

Hubby's favorite cookies are Oreos. And just about anything cookies n cream. So I made him up a basket full of goodies....



Take a closer look .... regular oreos, and then hand-dipped oreos in milk & white chocolate, decorated with festive pink, red and white sprinkles. I also included dipped marshmallows, and homemade cookies & cream bark.



There was one non-edible, purchased item that I included. A personalized pillowcase (obviously personalized with our names), that also helps set the tone for the remainder of his Valentine gift....



After I gave him everything, he says to me "If I had known you were going to do all this, I would have gotten you something." And the stinker - hid a box of turtles along with a Valentine card for me under my pillow. :) What a happy Valentine's Day.

Giving Back

One of the items on my 52 Things list is to give to a charity/cause.

I have been thinking about where I would like to help. In the past I have supported several different causes; Susan G. Komen foundation, March of Dimes, and the American Cancer Society to name a few.

I am debating on if I'd like to make several, smaller donations, or just one to a specific organization. At this particular time the front runners are the American Cancer Society as well as St. Jude.

For those of you who donate - which organizations do you help? And are smaller donations just as beneficial as larger ones? If I decide to help a few with smaller monetary amounts, will it still make a difference? Tell me your thoughts....

S~U~R~P~R~I~S~E

I haven't been able to talk about this prior, since I am still not 100% sure if my mom reads here or not (and honestly, I'm not gonna ask, I'd just rather not know if she is, I think).

So, anyway....there were a couple things on my 52 Things that I was able to cross off this past weekend.

This past Monday was mom's 60th birthday. My brother, my dad and myself hosted a surprise party in her honor. It was Saturday, and she had no idea. She was surprised and the one that bet the waterworks would start immediately was the winner.

She enjoyed herself, and it made us happy to make her so happy.

My brother and I went in on joint gift that would also be something special for dad as well. We treated her with a 2-night stay at a bed & breakfast in Galena, Illinois. They'll get full breakfast each morning, and also get dinner one night at Fried Green Tomatoes, not to mention the tour/purchase voucher for the winery, too.

They'll be packing soon and can't wait!

And even with all of that, one of mom's favorite things about the party? Her cake.



A total hit, and I cannot say enough good about the Super Target bakery!

2-minute Check-in

I've only got a minute. I feel like I'm coming back from the dark place I was for a bit. Or at least, I can see some light.

Anyway - big day today! I plan on crossing a couple things off my 52 Things list, and I'll tell you all about them later.

Tired. Sad. Mad.

I wish I had something funny to say. But I don't.

I wish my kids listened to me. But they don't.

I wish I wasn't so tired. But I am.

Life is busy right now.

My son got sent to the principal's office for the first time ever this week. He's in first grade. This is not something I wanted to be dealing with already. My daughter is an angel in school. I wish I could say the same for at home. This makes me mad.

Normally I feel like laughing and rejoicing and celebrating and loving. But right now I feel like sleeping, crying, and banging my head against the wall.

A 10-year old boy in a nearby suburb was found dead in the bathroom. He had been hung. They are ruling it a suicide. This makes my heart ache.

There may be big changes coming at work. And that makes me disappointed.

Tomorrow is a monumental day for my best friend and her husband. I am worried and hopeful.

I am overwhelmed. I am tired. I am cold. I am confused.

So, I hope to snap myself out of this. And I hope to have a truly witty post soon.

Something that makes me laugh. Something that makes me smile. Something that makes me feel better than I do right now.

Even after 10 years, I'm worth remembering

My recent Google Stalking was not something premeditated. Out of the blue, I just had this urge to see if I could find my ex.

It isn't a surprise that my mad google skillz presented a phone number for said ex. I didn't write it down or save the page in my bookmarks. Yet in the back of mind, I knew this information was readily available.

I thought a lot about this information, as well as that hole in the pit of my stomach. There was a bit of an inner conflict, but in the end, I decided to jot that number down from the net, and give him a call.

Not before I frantically worried that his wife would answer, and fire questions at me about who I was and what my intentions were. Or, worse yet, what if he didn't even remember me?

My fears were confirmed when his wife did answer, but quickly subsided when she didn't even pause, and simply asked me to hold and gave him the phone. At this point, I was half expecting me to have the wrong person, but it was like a punch in the gut when I heard his voice.

When he paused after I said who I was, I thought I had been forgotten. I muttered something along the lines of "...do you even remember me?" and the sincerity in his voice was obvious, as he somewhat chuckled and said "Of course I remember you!"

He was just completely shell shocked, as he told me he had just been thinking about me, because he had a dream about me and my family just the other night.

We caught up a little bit on family members; he asked how long I've been married, we discussed our kids (he's got 3!), and he took down my email address. When he asked about family members, by name ..... well, it made my heart feel funny. Not in the lovey-dovey, he-makes-my-heart-skip-a-beat kind of way, but the I-really-was-an-important-part-of-his-life-worth-remembering sort of way.

We are both leading different lives, miles & states apart, with our spouses and children; yet in the same week, we both think of each other and reconnect for the first time in nearly 10 years.

To say I'm feeling about 752 different emotions would be an understatement. I love my husband and mean no ill harm with any of this (I told my husband I spoke with him today), but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a tiny bit of my heart that still bared the name Jeff.

What do you mean, the World doesn't revolve around me?

Back when the old general manager at work was still here, she'd often ask something, and I'd have the answer within seconds. Even with songs .... something would come on the radio, and we'd question the name & artist and viola! I had the answer from just a few lyrics.

She started calling me the Google Queen.

I am highly addicted to Google and they are my #1 search engine. At this point I don't think I could even name another. It's not necessary to know anything beyond Google.

I've even used Google for work purposes; gaining information on potential new customers that left me with a bad feeling (remind me of that story later, I'll tell it).

No doubt, I have Mad Google Skillz.

So, the other night I Google the name of my ex serious boyfriend and find that he's married, with 2 children; a boy and a girl. And then the strangest thing happened....there was this empty hole and a gnawing in my gut.

I mean, of course he got married & had a family! Afterall, *I* did, why shouldn't he? It was a reaction I was not expecting to have. What did I think? That he was still waiting for me?! Totally irrational. I know better.

This leads me to a couple questions....have you Googled an ex and found something shocking? But more importantly, does this label us as Google Stalkers?

The Things Kids Say

The other day my son picked the hot lunch meal of a hamburger. When he came home from school, he was sporting a very large yellow stain on his pants.

So I asked him about it.

"What happened to your pants?"

"Oh, the mustard .... it like, dropped down."

"How'd you clean it up?"

"Well first, I wiped it, and it got bigger.......and then one of the lunch room ladies came over, and she washed it off for me. And you know what I told the lunch room lady?"

"What?"

"I told her that the school should buy a ShamWow!"

I think he watches too much TV.