Even after 10 years, I'm worth remembering

My recent Google Stalking was not something premeditated. Out of the blue, I just had this urge to see if I could find my ex.

It isn't a surprise that my mad google skillz presented a phone number for said ex. I didn't write it down or save the page in my bookmarks. Yet in the back of mind, I knew this information was readily available.

I thought a lot about this information, as well as that hole in the pit of my stomach. There was a bit of an inner conflict, but in the end, I decided to jot that number down from the net, and give him a call.

Not before I frantically worried that his wife would answer, and fire questions at me about who I was and what my intentions were. Or, worse yet, what if he didn't even remember me?

My fears were confirmed when his wife did answer, but quickly subsided when she didn't even pause, and simply asked me to hold and gave him the phone. At this point, I was half expecting me to have the wrong person, but it was like a punch in the gut when I heard his voice.

When he paused after I said who I was, I thought I had been forgotten. I muttered something along the lines of "...do you even remember me?" and the sincerity in his voice was obvious, as he somewhat chuckled and said "Of course I remember you!"

He was just completely shell shocked, as he told me he had just been thinking about me, because he had a dream about me and my family just the other night.

We caught up a little bit on family members; he asked how long I've been married, we discussed our kids (he's got 3!), and he took down my email address. When he asked about family members, by name ..... well, it made my heart feel funny. Not in the lovey-dovey, he-makes-my-heart-skip-a-beat kind of way, but the I-really-was-an-important-part-of-his-life-worth-remembering sort of way.

We are both leading different lives, miles & states apart, with our spouses and children; yet in the same week, we both think of each other and reconnect for the first time in nearly 10 years.

To say I'm feeling about 752 different emotions would be an understatement. I love my husband and mean no ill harm with any of this (I told my husband I spoke with him today), but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a tiny bit of my heart that still bared the name Jeff.

What do you mean, the World doesn't revolve around me?

Back when the old general manager at work was still here, she'd often ask something, and I'd have the answer within seconds. Even with songs .... something would come on the radio, and we'd question the name & artist and viola! I had the answer from just a few lyrics.

She started calling me the Google Queen.

I am highly addicted to Google and they are my #1 search engine. At this point I don't think I could even name another. It's not necessary to know anything beyond Google.

I've even used Google for work purposes; gaining information on potential new customers that left me with a bad feeling (remind me of that story later, I'll tell it).

No doubt, I have Mad Google Skillz.

So, the other night I Google the name of my ex serious boyfriend and find that he's married, with 2 children; a boy and a girl. And then the strangest thing happened....there was this empty hole and a gnawing in my gut.

I mean, of course he got married & had a family! Afterall, *I* did, why shouldn't he? It was a reaction I was not expecting to have. What did I think? That he was still waiting for me?! Totally irrational. I know better.

This leads me to a couple questions....have you Googled an ex and found something shocking? But more importantly, does this label us as Google Stalkers?