Ever feel like life is playing a big joke on you? And just when you think things can't possibly get worse, they find a way to anyway?
That's where I'm at right now.
First, on Friday, I get my explanation of benefits paperwork in the mail with big amounts that I owe. They won't pay a dime. Come to find out, it's a permanent provision on my insurance, not a pre-existing condition like I thought. Somehow I signed this when the policy was drawn up. I'm waiting on copies of those documents, because I honestly cannot remember reading anything about a permanent provision. Upon another phone call today, I find that it's not just a particular disc, but instead they have it down as pretty generalized, not to cover anything in regards to my back.
This lastest phone call provided with information to try to appeal the rider exclusion, which is going to require a written letter and supporting documents from my doctor. And, of course, this is no guarantee.
To top this all off, I get into my car last night to head home from work, after a pretty emotional day, and my car wouldn't start. At that moment I wondered just how the fastest way to leave this Earth would be. I felt like God was laughing at me .... a big joke. Let's see how much we can throw her way before she loses her marbles.
Well, let's see.....I think I'm there. The car issue is resolved, but this insurance thing is weighing heavy on me. Massive amounts of medical bills already accumulated, and I woke up today in worse pain than I have been in lately. What another nice reminder that MY LIFE SUCKS. And what's worse? Even with all the doctoring, and all those medical bills ..... I don't have a single pain pill to my name. So I just get to suck it up and go to work 5 days a week, try to be a good mom, and take care of the things that still need to be done (because the Christmas gifts aren't gonna wrap themselves - and yes - I have enlisted help - but that's another problem - I am feeling completely helpless like this and I don't think I continue to live like that, relying on everyone else to pick up my slack).
I am just in such a dark place right now.
The Big Boo Cast, Episode 75
18 hours ago