Tuesday, December 02, 2008

When Life Is A Great Big Joke

Ever feel like life is playing a big joke on you? And just when you think things can't possibly get worse, they find a way to anyway?

That's where I'm at right now.

First, on Friday, I get my explanation of benefits paperwork in the mail with big amounts that I owe. They won't pay a dime. Come to find out, it's a permanent provision on my insurance, not a pre-existing condition like I thought. Somehow I signed this when the policy was drawn up. I'm waiting on copies of those documents, because I honestly cannot remember reading anything about a permanent provision. Upon another phone call today, I find that it's not just a particular disc, but instead they have it down as pretty generalized, not to cover anything in regards to my back.

This lastest phone call provided with information to try to appeal the rider exclusion, which is going to require a written letter and supporting documents from my doctor. And, of course, this is no guarantee.

To top this all off, I get into my car last night to head home from work, after a pretty emotional day, and my car wouldn't start. At that moment I wondered just how the fastest way to leave this Earth would be. I felt like God was laughing at me .... a big joke. Let's see how much we can throw her way before she loses her marbles.

Well, let's see.....I think I'm there. The car issue is resolved, but this insurance thing is weighing heavy on me. Massive amounts of medical bills already accumulated, and I woke up today in worse pain than I have been in lately. What another nice reminder that MY LIFE SUCKS. And what's worse? Even with all the doctoring, and all those medical bills ..... I don't have a single pain pill to my name. So I just get to suck it up and go to work 5 days a week, try to be a good mom, and take care of the things that still need to be done (because the Christmas gifts aren't gonna wrap themselves - and yes - I have enlisted help - but that's another problem - I am feeling completely helpless like this and I don't think I continue to live like that, relying on everyone else to pick up my slack).

I am just in such a dark place right now.


Lacey said...

I'm so sorry Sarah, I wish there was something that could be said to make it all better.

Kat said...

Life can be such an ass. I'm really sorry to hear about your back and your medical bills.

Freaking insurances always try to wriggle their way out of paying. Sometimes I feel like punching them in the face as I do now after reading your story.

mackey said...

((((hugs)))) to you hunny.
I wish I was closer so we could go for a few drinks. Good ol' JD always numbs the pain. lol

Seriously though, I feel so sorry for u guys with all this medical bill bullshit.
As I mentioned b4, I can not imagine having to worry about medical bills. Yay for Canadian Health Insurance.

Melisa said...

Awww, sending hugs. I'm with Mackey and JD. :)

That totally sucks.

Sassy said...

((HUGS)) I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I wish that I could help in some way. Short of moving to canada and using our health care system, I've got nothing. Mackey might be onto something about JD though.
Feel better soon. Lots of prayers and Positive thoughts coming your way.

Rat In A Cage said...

If you decide to go out in a blaze of gunfire, take as many of the Red Sox with you as you can please.


(Hoping Humor is actually the best medicine)