I think the stress of the week is finally catching up to me. The weather has had me white-knuckled behind the wheel several times, and I've had a knot in my gut worrying about whether or not our drivers were safe and if our routes were getting done.
We've got a new driver at work to boot, so I've been easing him into his routes while the other drivers are finally getting a much needed break from their long work weeks they've been putting in since September.
There was some tension with the drivers, lots of anger and frustration -- and I'm the lucky one that they unload on.
So I'm having a conversation with a driver - on my cell phone, as I'm driving down a totally unplowed road and slip slidin' along - he mentions something and I realize - SHIT! I forgot to do that! So I turn around and back to the office I go and work for another hour.
At this point, I'm feeling like the biggest fuck up on the planet. Before I took the position, I worried about whether I could handle it; if I'd be successful at running the business. Today I felt like a failure. It wasn't just that I forgot to do something and had to go back to the office. I just felt like everything I have been trying to accomplish came right back to bite me in the ass all at once.
I want my bosses to be happy with their decision to ask me to run their business for them. I want to help the company thrive. I want to keep the other employees/drivers happy, healthy and safe. I'm afraid that one wrong move is going to cost us dearly.
Like in the past, I'll get through it and look back and wonder what the hell I was upset about. But for right now I'd just like to have a good cry (when not behind the wheel, because trust me when I say tear-filled eyes while driving down snow encrusted roads is not an easy task).
The Big Boo Cast, Episode 75
18 hours ago