In the final weeks

I'm in the final weeks of my 20s. I will officially be 30 in less than 3 weeks.

For the most part, I'm pretty calm about the whole thing. Okay, there are some moments when I almost lose my sanity. But you know, I'm really becoming good at ignoring what's at hand. And that is because of the health issues going on. I'll give you the short & sweet version - another positive blood test, however not enough symptoms, so no official diagnosis - I see the rheumy again in June. See what I mean? Yes, I'd like to scream and stomp my feet, but what good will that do right now? So, I just float around in my "Bubble of Nothing's Wrong" like none of this is happening. And when that fails, I rely on chocolate. And/or alcohol.

How did this become my life?

I'm now in another round of the waiting game.

This is the period of time in which I like to ignore and pretend like this isn't all really happening.

I saw the rheumatologist last week, who asked me alot of questions, and pushed, pulled and moved my limbs around as if I were a puppet. At the end of the visit he told me that he didn't think I had lupus, and that my ANA was just a borderline positive (I had already been told that by my PCP as well - but to be on the safe side, that is when she referred me to see a rheumy). The rheumy told me that sometimes there can be false positives (I had also read about that online). He did want another ANA to be run, so I headed to the hospital lab and let their vampires take what they needed.

I left there feeling slightly defeated, but decided that I wouldn't think about anything until he got the results back from the second ANA.

I called his office on Monday as instructed, but my results were not in. I was told that he would call me when they were in, but that it could still be a couple days.

Tuesday evening, just before 10pm, as I was nursing a headache from hell, my cell phone rang. My first thought was that it was a work related call, which is typically what a call on my cell phone at that hour means. Instead, much to my surprise, it was my rheumatologist.

He explained that the ANA came back with the same results of the first test, and that while he still believed I don't have anything, he wanted to run a series of other labs to make sure they come back negative.

So back to the vampires I went. I figure I won't have any answers until this time next week.

I'm entirely beside myself. There's that little voice inside me, that I often yell at to just shut up .... but it's telling me that there's something wrong. I'm hoping it's mistaken; praying it's mistaken. But the realistic part of me believes that the ANA is coming back positive for a reason.

From everything I've read online (and as much as I try to avoid doing this because it freaks me out, I am doing quite a bit of it), a positive ANA often does mean something, but that many times there aren't enough symptoms to go along with it to confirm a diagnosis. And this pretty much means WAITING for other symptoms to officially get a diagnosis and proper treatment.

This is what bothers me the most. I could possibly be told "There's nothing wrong with you" and sent on my way, only to end up with an official diagnosis in weeks, months, maybe years.

I'm trying to just keep my head up and cherish and enjoy the good things in my life. But for a moment, I'll stop and think, how did this become my life? I now face a possible chronic illness. And then I think of everything that could eventually mean and it freaks me the hell out.

It's a Jungle Out There

Our state has recently banned texting while driving. You can be fined and presented with a moving violation if you are busted.

Everyday there's yet another offense added to the list of driving distractions.

Have any of these people ever ridden in a car with children?? I can text, chew gum, and sing along to tunes on the radio all while there's a blizzard AND road construction going on (hey, it's Chicago!), and still have better control of the car than I sometimes do with just the kids in the backseat.

"Mom, so and so is wiping boogers on the window!!!"

"KEEP YOUR LEG ON YOUR SIDE!!!!!!!"

"Stop looking at me!"

"MOMMMMMMM......so and so just rolled down the window and is climbing out"

Do you see how distracting THAT can be?

I admit, I'm guilty of doing other things while driving. I have abided by the new law and do not text while driving anymore, however, I do still chat on the phone. I have never been one to put on makeup, read, curl my eyelashes, or pick my nose while behind the wheel. I have sipped a beverage and sang along to the radio.

I have never felt that things were so unruly between my legs that, OMG! It must be taken care of. RIGHT. THIS. SECOND.

Seriously. Were things that bad for this woman? Was the jungle between her legs preventing her from accurately manuevering her feet to work the pedals?

Who decides that shaving your bikini area is best done while driving a vehicle? (Not to mention, Gross. What do you do with those jungle vines you are chopping down? Ew.)

Clearly that woman was smacked with the stupid stick a few times too many.

Lego of my Wallet

We had 2 coupons for a free child's admission with a paid adult admission to Lego Land. We had never been before, and decided, what the heck?

We took the kids this afternoon, and I'm thinking - alright, it'll probably cost us about $20 to get in and that was decent for us to spend the afternoon.

Imagine my surprise when we walk in and the price per adult is $19! Thank goodness for the kids coupons, otherwise they would have been $15 each!

Seriously, for a family of 4, this place wants nearly $70 just to walk in the door.

Now, I like Legos as much as the next person. Honestly. I think they are neat. And they've been around FOREVER. Truly one toy to withstand the test of time. And I enjoyed seeing the city of Chicago made out of Legos.

But overall, it is just too expensive for what it really is and we will likely never go back.

What family attractions do you have near you? Are they worth the money?

Get your swag on!

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you may have seen me mention something about Swagbucks a time or two. You may also see something like "Sarah just won 20 Swagbucks by searching the web!".

First of, let me tell you this: THERE IS NO CATCH.

I'm the most leary person out there. I don't give telemarketers the time of day and I typically stray away from things that seem too good to be true. Because in most cases, it usually is.

After seeing a neighbor of mine consistently winning these Swagbucks, I decided to check it out for myself. When I saw that it was FREE and they didn't ask for any sort of credit card or financial information, I took the plunge and I signed up.

I was still slightly leary about what it would take to earn a prize, so I quickly followed them on facebook & twitter to try to figure out how exactly these bucks worked.

Most of the bucks I earn are from doing searches thru their search engine. Something I would normally do elsewhere, and this time I had the chance at winning while I was doing it. There are also codes that are given out that are worth random amounts of bucks. These can be found in the blog, on twitter, on facebook, etc.

And then people started to sign up under my name which also would earn me bucks whenever they would win from searching.

I have been at it for just about a month now, and have earned nearly 1,800 Swagbucks. I have been turning them in as soon as I get enough to snag a $5.00 Amazon gift card. There is a HUGE variety of prizes from gift cards, books, movies, music, apparel, etc. In my case, I prefer the Amazon gift cards because then I can buy anything, anytime.

I'd say I'm a novice Swagbucker, still learning the ropes and trying to utilize Swagbucks throughout my normal day. Depending on how serious you want to be about it, you can earn even more. There's a member that has been Swagging since January 2009 and has earned over $1200 in Amazon gift cards.

FOR FREE!!!

I'm currently at an average rate of $20 a month, but keep in mind that it's my first month, and you have the ability to earn even more by inviting friends and getting referrals.

Give it a try! Really!! There's honestly nothing to lose. You can sign up easily right here. If you have any questions, please ask.

I am NOT being paid anything for writing this blog post - HOWEVER - if you do sign up with any of the above links, I will get the benefit of having you as my referral.

Time Flies & My Body Still Aches

We're just a little over a week away from my appointment with the rheumatologist. It seems like the more anxious and stressed I get as the appointment nears closer, the faster the time seems to go.

As much as I want to know what's wrong, and how to feel better, I'm afraid. I've been blissfully able to continue on, ignoring what might be going on inside me. Granted, my thumb still hurts. Not as bad as it first did, but the pain is still there. And some days are better than others.

I've now also noticed pain in other joints, on my other hand. The stiffness has always been there, but now there's also pain. And I've also noticed that the pain worsens if my hands are cold. And many times they are so cold that the skin is blue underneath my fingernail.

There's also some pain in my feet, and obviously the back pain that plagues me to varying degrees on a daily basis. The other night I hurt everywhere. I was in tears. Desperate, I took a tramadol I still have hoarded away from a previous prescription.

And then there's my stomach issues. The dreaded "attacks" that most often wake me from a dead sleep in the middle of the night. The ugly, gnawing feeling in my gut that lands me in the bathroom for a good hour. Gnawing pain, cramping, which starts first as constipation and then with a few wiggles and rumbles of the intestines, things start moving thru easily, but not painlessly.

For me, this is the equivalent of some medieval torture method. I'm often rocking on the toilet, praying that God will just make. it. stop. SOON. Is it IBS? I don't know. Something more serious? Who knows. I do know that it will require a visit to the gastro doc and right now I'm not sure I can muster up enough courage to add in another specialist.

How is it possible that there can be so many things going on inside just one person's body?

I can't stop it from happening, so might as well embrace it

I've been freaking out about turning 30. It just seems so ...... I don't know. I don't want to say old because that's not really how I feel. I guess it just seems - different. Distinguished maybe? I don't know.

It's not like I can do anything about turning 30. It's going to happen whether I like it or not. Unfortunately. So....I'm going to grab 30 by the balls and make it the best damn year EVER.

And let me tell you .... while 2010 hasn't gotten off to the best start, I'm hopeful and excited and anxious for all the wonderful things to come.

For instance - seeing Michael Buble live the end of next month.

And then we can't forget my actual birthday in April and the fact that 2 days later I'll be in Vegas!

In June, I'll spend an evening gambling and livin' it up with my girlfriends at a NKOTB concert. July and August brings a couple Cubs games. And we'll cap off the summer with a trip to Disney World in September.

That's just the big things. I plan on fitting in plenty of time with the kids (going to see Toy Story 3 when it comes out, for instance), time with my girlfriends (really girls - let's set a date!) and time for myself (already read 5 books this year, let's see how many more I can add to that list).

So, you hear that 30??! I'm waitin' for ya! And I'm ready.

The big dark cloud of crapiness

I'm not quite sure why I continue to come back here every now and again to write. It's not as if there's a whole lot of commenting or reading going on. I'd be partly to blame for that, what with my lack of witty things to say. Oh, and the fact that I'm having a heck of a time reading and commenting on blogs myself.

These last couple weeks have been ...... well, how can I explain? Hectic. Sad. Happy. Depressing. Hopeful.

I've already mentioned about the health stuff going on. And it's amazing what pure ignorance can do for a person. I've pretty much just put it out of my mind, and I'm not agonizing over it. Of course every once in a while I think - "Hey, March 3rd is my appointment...." and then my stomach tightens and a million thoughts go running through my mind, until "Hey, look! A squirrel!" And I'm sidetracked with something else going on.

Like my husband being sick with strep. It was like death warmed over. An ER visit and a doctor visit all in a matter of, eh, maybe 30 hours? Add in a fever of almost 103, tonsils so swollen they were almost touching and 2 different kinds of antibiotics, and you can pretty much say he was down for the count for 2.5 days. Even after that time, he was still miserable, but at least the fever was gone and he was starting to feel a little more human.

Then, as he was recovering, our son came down with something. No idea what exactly it was that he had, but it resulted in vomit all over his bedroom floor. And that? IS. NO. FUN.

Later that evening, once my son had vomited himself to sleep, I checked my cell phone to find a text message from my boss. Long story short, her adorable papillon was attacked by a coyote that morning, and suffered such extensive injury, she couldn't be saved. She was put down and died later that afternoon. I was extremely fond of that little dog. My boss would bring her into the office often, and she would happily prance about. If it was summertime and I was wearing sandals, she'd pass through my office and lick my toes. It always made me laugh because any bare toes were liable to be licked, and it didn't fail. She did it each and every time she came in during the summer.

The whole thing has made me love on my cat all the more. I'm sure he's tired of me constantly picking him up and showering him with love and affection and kisses. But he's 13 years old, and I know that someday he'll have to cross that Rainbow Bridge. My heart hurts even just thinking about it.

And of course, during the course of all this craziness, my dear friend Nanci lost her father. He had been battling cancer and they knew these were his final days. He passed away on Sunday, and while we're all happy to know he's no longer suffering, I know how much her heart hurts. And mine hurts for her.

That's not even all of what has actually gone on, but that's enough gloom and doom for one post. It's no wonder no one ever comments. No sunshine & rainbows here!