When is enough, enough?

For nearly a week now, I've been dealing with persistent digestive/stomach issues. Now, I am no stranger to these "flare ups" and "attacks". I've been dealing with it for years. Sometimes I'll go weeks without any problems. Sometimes it's a couple days in a row that I have issues.

This is the longest I've ever had issues, and to be honest, it's scaring me.

To some people, this may not seem like a big deal. So what? It's just IBS (it could be, who knows?). Oh, easy fix. It's just a food allergy (doubtful since I can't pinpoint one or two particular things). Why am I so concerned then?

Because of that positive ANA test I had. The rheumatologist told me there was no auto-immune disease, but he was going to run more tests again, just in case. I never went in to have the blood drawn for them. But that keeps playing in mind -- why did that ANA test come back positive if there's nothing wrong?

And you know what? Stomach issues like I'm having could very well be an auto-immune disease itself. It could be just something that goes hand in hand with a different disease.

And it may not be anything auto-immune at all. Maybe it's nothing serious. Maybe it's something worse. I'm afraid at what the answers may be.

But I'm tired of dealing with the pain, the discomfort, the what-ifs and the worry. I need to be brave and go see the doctor. Do you suppose Santa will bring me some courage for Christmas, or do I need to go see the Wizard?

How can it be?

Time is flying faster and faster.

I'm still unemployed and while that's depressing, it is kinda nice to be home. I get to put the kids on the bus in the morning, there have been a couple times I've gone and had lunch with them at school, and I can welcome them home after school.

But, there's that money thing. Or the lack thereof. Things will be tighter now. Mike's health insurance finally kicked in at work, which means his paychecks will be smaller. Quite a bit smaller. It's ridiculous how much health insurance costs to cover the entire family with medical, dental and vision. But how can you do without it?

At any rate, I just continue to hope that I find a job soon. Or win the lottery. Of course, you have to play to win. There goes that idea.

Amazing that it's October already. Soon we'll have a pile of candy we don't know what to do with. Heck, we know what to do with it. Eat it. We'll start putting up the massive amounts of Christmas lights while we're still buzzing from a "I-ate-the-kids-trick-or-treat-stash" sugar high.

And then, it's all down hill from there. Once Halloween is over, you may as well write off the remainder of the year. Because from then on it's NON. STOP.

Weekends are already busy, and by the time Thanksgiving is here, we're pretty much booked solid with parties, get togethers, baking, shopping, wrapping.....the list goes on.

I'm tired just thinking about it.

No, wait. I'm just tired. Period.

There hasn't been a lot of sleep lately. My poor boy came down with something on October 1st. Long story short; a visit to the doctor, no improvement and then a trip to urgent care finally got us a diagnosis on October 7. Pneumonia. Here we are on October 12, and he finally returned to school. He also finished his antibiotic this morning. And - most importantly - I think the cough is gone. I don't recall hearing him cough ONCE since he's been home from school. And it seems he was able to fall right asleep tonight.

This makes my heart soar!!! My poor boy would cough and cough - one night for an hour straight between 2 and 3 in the morning. He'd nearly throw up from all the coughing.

It kills me to see them sick. Especially when they really suffer with something. A normal cold doesn't typically knock them down. But when it's something that really makes them miserable.... it breaks my heart.

10 Years Later, We Remember

We'll Never Forget.

It's a phrase that was coined back in 2001, and how true it rings.

Even today, the events of the day are still fresh in my mind.

I was 6 months pregnant with my son, and the phone rang. It was still rather early (being as we're an hour behind the East coast), so a phone call at this hour was not usual. It was my mother, who told me to turn on the tv, that a plane hit the World Trade Center.

I hung up with my mom, and watched the news footage as I got ready for work. Honestly, the only thing I can't really remember is if she had called me before or after the 2nd tower was struck.

I know they mentioned the words "foul play" on the news, and the naive-positive-thinker in me looked at my husband and said "What does that mean? They think it was done on purpose?"

I continued on my way to work, having only the radio to keep me filled in on what was going on. As soon as I arrived at the office, I immediately sent emails to family that lives in CT and I knew worked in NYC, as the phone lines were so tied up, there was no reaching them. I scoured the web for any news feeds, as we all had to inform us in the office was the radio.

I felt helpless, and a bit disconnected from what was going on. I was a member of several mailing lists, and the flow of emails was quick and constant. It was my only "real-time" source aside from the radio.

As I was receiving more and more information about what was happening, the more frightened we became at work, and the more I wanted to go home. I kept in touch with my husband by phone. He was at a very large, busy mall in the area, and I was getting news of many popular, highly populated or busy areas being evacuated or closed. We had no idea what was happening, and at this point no one felt safe.

I was feeling a bunch of emotions; scared, worried, helpless, but it wasn't until I got an email from my Uncle that they were all okay, that I started to truly grasp everything.

I called my mom and couldn't even get the words out, as my voice broke and the tears flowed. I sat at my desk and cried.

Both towers had been struck, the Pentagon was struck, a plane went down in PA, the entire airspace was shut down for the first time in history, the towers both collapsed....

My boss called and instructed "Finish up and go home."

Upon another phone call to my husband, the mall was going back and forth on their decision whether or not to close, and the corporate headquarters of his company was based in NYC so he could not reach them by phone. He had made the decision to close just before the mall finally instructed that they would be closing the entire facility.

There were many more tears that day. I fell asleep with swollen eyes and an ache in my heart.

And now, 10 years later, those tears still flow just as easily and that ache in my heart remains. To think about those people that had just sat down at their desks, or the firefighters who were only trying to get people to safety, or the innocent children on those flights, those individuals who leaped to their death.....

They were husbands and fathers. Sisters and brothers. Wives and mothers. Cousins. Aunts and Uncles. Grandparents. Sons and daughters. Grandchildren. Coworkers. Friends.

The entire nation, the entire world .... watched that day.

And the truth in the matter is, We Will NEVER forget.

Top 10

I found out that I'm in the top 10 out of over 30 applications they had for the position. Seems that the next step is that they'll be sitting down to go thru those and proceed with making phone calls for interviews next week.

I'm excited to have made the top 10, however, I'm also looking at this that I've only got a 10% chance.

I'm incredibly nervous. Not even sure what else to say at this point, other than....

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!

Waiting on pins and needles

I've never wanted a phone call so badly.

A friend of mine (bless her GIGANTIC heart!) told me of a position opening up where she works. She had me email my resume over and she personally took it to the girl in HR.

Some time went by, and I asked her if anything came of it. She told me that the girl in HR was on vacation and that she'd speak to her as soon as she was back (last Monday).

She called me and let me know what she had found out. The HR girl read my resume, and thought I would be a good fit for a different position. She told my friend she'd email over the job description and that I should apply if interested. In turn, my friend sent it to me, I read it over and didn't even think twice about whether or not I should apply.

So, I updated my resume once again, and sent it off with a cover letter for the position.

Now I wait and every time the phone rings, my heart lurches into my throat and I'm hopeful. Then, when I realize it's not THE phone call I'm hoping for, it sinks back down to the pit of my stomach.

I don't think I have ever wanted something so badly. I want this job and I KNOW I could rock at it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, and that is damn hard. I feel like I've got an advantage because the girl in HR read my resume and picked the position she thought I would most fit. She could have just as easily said I wasn't qualified for the original position and left it at that.

First things first, I need to nab an interview. And then I need to dazzle them so much that they offer me the position. Like I said, I'm trying to be cautious with my emotions, my wants, my absolute need to do something like RIGHT. NOW. This is only my 2nd week being unemployed and I'm already itching to jump right in and get going.

I've continued to check Career Builder on a daily basis, and there's just nothing out there. It's scary, and this opportunity I have before me is .... everything.

So if ever there was a time to have a prayer answered.... now would be it.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Last month my boss sat me down and broke the news to me. The company was going to be going out of business. While this wasn't a total shock, it was one of those things you turn a blind eye towards and hope that somehow things just turn around.

Even so, it still left my world turned upside down.

Today my kids went back to school. As they start 4th and 2nd grade, I am starting unemployment. I put the kids on the bus, and came back into the house and cried. Not because my babies are growing up (well, maybe a little....), but because I had no job to go to for the first time in nearly 13 years.

And I'm unemployed in the worst economy in many, many, many years. My outlook is bleak. I'm holding onto shreds of hope. My friends are positive and optimistic. The whole "when one door clothes, another opens" bit.

While I appreciate their words (hell, I need that positive reinforcement when my mind is nothing but darkness), it's also hard to just put the worry out of your mind.

So, in the meantime, while I look for a job and bring in my small unemployment wages, I'll also continue doing what I have been for months. Earning $5 Amazon gift cards thru Swagbucks, earning $10 Amazon gift cards from a focus/research group I belong to, earn more $ from Crowdtap, earning $3 per survey thru PineCone Research (I've already done & been paid for 2 in just a couple weeks), and by couponing.

I've posted before about my couponing efforts and I'm going to try to start a bit more.

We'll start with today's trip to Dominick's. I normally don't shop here because it's too expensive regularly, but if you have their value card, and if you sign up for their "Just for U" specials, you can score some really fantastic deals.

Today I managed to get the following haul:


4 boxes of Cheerios @ .49 cents each = $1.96
4 boxes of Lucky Charms/Golden Grahams bars @ .89 cents each = $3.56
4 boxes of Betty Crocker fruit snacks @ .69 cents each = $2.76
2 boxes of Cheez-It crackers @ $1.49 each = $2.98
2 jars Ragu sauce @ .49 cents each = $.98
2 cans Friskies cat food (B1G1F) = $.65
1 box Teddy Grahams = $1.19
1 package of napkins = $0.00 (freebie with my "Just for U" savings)

TOTAL OUT OF POCKET W/TAX = $14.66

That's a savings of almost 79%!!!!

So, when life gives you lemons....find a way to make lemonade!

School Supply Shopping

School supply shopping has officially begun.

This is the first year I've had to actually buy pens, because apparently, 4th grade is serious business.

There's a great deal to be had at Target right now.



Papermate pens are $1.02 for a package

And, you can score a $1.00 off coupon here

Making these pens nearly FREE! Just 2-cents per package. :) Now that's a deal!

I need those prayer warriors again.

I've mentioned her before. She's my good friend that climbed mountains in order to get pregnant. She dealt with a blood clot and was on bed rest at the beginning of her pregnancy. Then, she failed her 1 hour glucose test, which took her to the 3 hour. Needless to say, she also failed that.

Most recently, she's found out she's got a large nodule on one side of her thyroid, and a couple small ones on the other side. The big "C" was brought up, and she'll be going in for a biopsy.

I can't even imagine the fear, the worry. Not only for your own well being, but for your unborn child. I can't help but wonder why people are constantly put through such trying times. Wasn't the struggle to get pregnant enough? She worried for weeks she was losing her baby in the beginning, and just when she started to put her guard down, she's dealing with gestational diabetes. And just when she wraps her mind around controlling the GD, she gets this dumped on her plate.

So, I'm asking all of you .... please keep her in your prayers. I know many of you haven't a clue as to who I'm talking about, but just know she's one of the sweetest and most selfless people I know.