The post that kills me to write.

It has been awhile. A bunch of crap has gone on. Some good. Some bad. In early March, I had a really, really hard time coping with the fact that I was *still* unemployed. As I sat alone, hiding out, with tears streaming down my cheeks, my cell phone rang. It was my old boss. He told me that his brother was looking for an office manager for his company. I got his info, gave him a call, went in for an interview and got the job. My first day was March 12. I can't say it's everything I ever hoped for, but my boss is great and it keeps food in my kid's bellies and a roof over our heads. Soon after I started there, my cat got very sick. I thought it was the end. But then, he got better. I was relieved. And then, things just started changing. On Sunday, April 29th, he couldn't get comfortable. He had been laying next to me in my chair, where he often would snuggle up with me while I would use my laptop or read a book. He kept getting up and repositioning himself. He was very restless. I took note of that, and then he jumped down and left the room. When he came back in, he jumped onto the arm of the chair and was face level with me. He rubbed his face against mine, loving on me, sniffing my lips and pushing his head against my lips so that I could give him kisses. I just thought he was being affectionate. It wasn't until the next day, I realized this was probably his way of thanking me for so many wonderful years, and telling me that he loved me. That night I woke up when he jumped down off the chair in our room and made a lot of noise. Again, he was restless, moving around the room. I knew something wasn't right. That morning he wouldn't eat. He drank a lot of water and then threw up. I left for work. I guess I was just hoping that I'd go to work, and he'd be better when I got home. I called to check up on him a couple hours later. He was still vomiting. And he cried out when he jumped up onto my dad's lap. I called the vet and left work in tears. I spent that day following my cat wherever he went. I wouldn't leave his side. He got progressively worse during the day. Twice he freaked out and dashed about the house like he was possessed. The kids got home from school, and I told them they had to say their goodbyes. That was incredibly hard to do. When it came time to leave, Cosmo was surprisingly calm on the car ride over to the vet. I told him he was such a good boy, and that I loved him so much. I stayed with him in the room while the vet administered the shot. It was so quick. I never would have imagined it would have been over so quickly, but it was. They left me in the room with him for as long as I wanted. I couldn't stop petting him. It was awful to have to leave that room, leave him just lying there. I got home, went upstairs, crawled into bed and sobbed. It has been almost a month now since I said goodbye to my best friend. My heart still aches tremendously, and even as I write this, I have tears streaming down my face. His ashes are in a special urn with an engraved face of a cat on it. We are in the process of putting together a special memorial spot for him amongst our flower bed in the yard. I still feel an emptiness and a longing for my pal. I find myself still looking in the places he liked to lay, expecting to find him there. I find myself with his name on the tip of my tongue, just about to call out to him. And then I realize he's no longer here. I wonder when it will ever stop hurting. I miss you so much, Cosmo. So, so much.

Things are changing.....Good things are coming....

My recruiter called me this morning with an update.

They loved me at the interview, but unfortunately, they wanted a bit more accounting experience for that position.

BUT....

They loved me so much (my recruiter's words), they are looking to see if they can find somewhere else for me within the company. Honestly, I am floored that they are willing to do this. Most companies focus on filling the position they are looking to fill, and move on. If you don't fit what they are looking for, they graciously say we're sorry and move on.

So, at this point I'm still in limbo .... waiting ....

I know God is working on something great for me. And so I will patiently wait.

And now I give it over to God....

A few weeks ago I met with a recruiter and have been in touch a few times since.

Yesterday afternoon she called me to tell me of a new position they got and to see if I was interested. Everything seemed right about it, and she told me she'd present me to the company and let me know if they wanted to meet with me.

She called me this morning that they wanted me to come in.

!!!!!!!

I met with them this afternoon, and I thought it went well. Of course, replaying it in my mind, I'm second guessing everything now.

I'm hoping I hear back that they want me to come in for a 2nd interview.

On the drive home, I was over thinking everything and starting to panic a little. Suddenly the thought "Give it over to God" popped into my mind, and I suddenly felt at ease.

So, that's what I'm doing. And I'll just wait to see what happens.

A recap to the end of 2011

It's been quite awhile since I've posted. The holidays are over and we're already nearly halfway thru the first month of 2012.

Honestly, it's best that I haven't updated because there wouldn't have been a lot of positivity.

Not that I have good news to share with you all now, I am just choosing to not dwell on how much it all sucks and instead put out there that:

THINGS ARE GOING TO GET BETTER.

God is just testing our limits, and I just know He's got something good in store for us. We just needed to make our way through the muck first.

So, just what has been keeping us busy this past month or so?

I'm still unemployed. Continuing to look. I met with a recruiter and hope to have a little more leads that way.

My son turned 10 in December. Double-digits. How is that possible? In other news, for the 2nd year in a row, he made the school spelling bee, which we are very proud of.

Shortly after his birthday, I came down with strep throat. That was fun. At the same time, my ear acted up again like it had back in March. After numerous visits to the ENT, a round of steroids and an anti-viral, several hearing tests, a brain MRI and an electrocochleography --- I still have no definitive answer as to why this has happened (with hearing loss) twice now.

Christmas went all too quickly.

4 days after Christmas, I receive a phone call at 1:30 in the morning. You know it's never good when the phone rings in the middle of the night. Mike was in a car accident. He was fine (Thank God!), but his car was not. It was totaled by the insurance company, and we were forced to go buy a new (used) car and take on a 2nd car payment. Now I wonder how we'll continue to make ends meet with another monthly expense.

5 days after his car accident, we're taking down all the Christmas decorations. He falls off the roof. Scariest thing I've ever witnessed and again, Thank GOD he was okay, but he was INCREDIBLY sore for a few days after. To a point that he'd be moaning in his sleep.

It's been a rough patch, and there are days that I don't even want to pull myself out of bed.

But I try to keep looking forward.

Mike is fine, and the car was replaceable.

Finances are so tight it might mean eating ramen noodles or skipping a meal a day (for us at least, never the kids) and staying in the house in the more.

But I know a fabulous job is out there for me....and I will get it!

I may not have an answer about my ear, but it's better now and my doctor is pro-active and doesn't push me out the door, rolling his eyes and thinking I'm crazy.

We WILL triumph!