The Work Force

We were truly holding out hope that Mike would end up getting the position the he applied and went for - not one - but two interviews for with a dish tv company (I'd rather not give the name). It was for a management position, and it seemed like it would work out nicely for our family, the pay was quite a bit more than he had been making, and it would allow him to break out of the food industry.

Of course, he never heard back, even after he called last week and left a message. I'm so disappointed that such a well known company would be looking to hire someone, tell them that he'd be notified either way and then never call, nor return phone calls. Now, the whole thing was not handled all that well. They were doing the interviewing, etc etc and Mike expected to hear something the week of June 18. When he didn't hear anything by Thursday of that week, he called. A secretary or someone in the office said the guy was on vacation that week, and Mike's application was still on his desk. Said he'd be returning Mike's call midweek the next week. So, the next week (this was last week, then, the week of June 25), Mike waits again and calls on Thursday after he didn't hear anything. Gets the guy's voicemail, so he leaves a message. Still nothing.

We're assuming the worst. They are not interested. In the meantime, while this all went on, Mike was offered another job. Just a tiny bit more than he was making, although a raise would come as soon as he took over as the general manager. It's, of course, for a food place. They say, though, that they always take 1 day off on the weekend, and 1 during the week. 10 hour shifts (which would mean getting off no earlier than 7pm pretty much).

I'm really not too sure how I feel about this. Yes, it's a job. But just how will the quality of life be?

Cubs Win!, but my mood just took a turn to quite shitty

Saw the Cubs play today. With the current losing streak they were on, I was hopeful it wouldn't continue and that I'd be attending a winning game. When they opened the game with base hits and a Grand Slam all in the first inning, I had an idea that it was going to be a great game. We watched as some dark clouds and cooler breezes rolled in off the lake, but the rain held off and the clouds rolled by to bring in sunshine for the rest of the game. The skies opened up as we were on our way back home after seeing the Cubs beat the Braves 10-1.

It was a nice day, but of course, there's something that can bring my mood back down. Reading up on some current events in some friends lives on myspace, and I come across someone that just started a new job - and their salary is listed as $75,000 - $100,000 a year. Yeah, I know you can lie (I've seen kids list $100,000 + and they are barely out of high school, so I'm sure they're full of shit), but the salary listed while at the previous job was almost as high. A college & grad school graduate, so I imagine there may be some hefty student loans to pay off, but with that pay scale -- how long could it take while you're single, renting an apartment and living the high life with nearly no responsibility other than some bills.

I guess I'm bitter. It's hard to be happy about something like that when my husband doesn't even have a salary right now, and likely will never make anywhere near that kind of thing. Not that I expect him to, but how is it that people just "fall" into these things?? Yes, there's the degrees and all that, but trust me when I say that I know good money was being made even prior to having the degrees to back it up.

We're barely making ends meet each month, and only because we're getting unemployment. That doesn't last forever (and it's been nearly 5 months), and I have no idea what we'll do if a job doesn't come our way soon.

I've been really trying not to fret over this, but I'm starting to really worry; really starting to get stressed. How much longer can we make it? Moreso, are we going to be forced to take a job that will take priority over family time?

I think that might be what worries me the most. I can't go back to him being gone weeknights and missing dinner with the family. I can't go back to him working all weekend long, missing out on chances for visits to the zoo, or playing in the backyard, or going over to the rec center pool. I can't do it ..... I enjoy the things we can do as a family, and as much as it has sucked for him to NOT be working the last 4.5 months, it's been wonderful being able to do things together.

Is it possible that he'll find a job, so that we can get by and that we'll still be able to spend time together as a family?

Where have I gone?

Yes, I know. It has been quite awhile since I've posted.

I know there have been questions about my health, and how the medicine seemed to be working. The medicine ran out, I never got anymore and I haven't had anymore of those symptoms. I honestly don't know what it could have been. There have been a few "attacks" which I always blamed on IBS in the past, but it was nothing like the crushing, overwhelming chest pain or sharp pain that seemed obviously like it was my gallbladder.

So, I'm feeling well in that respect, but now it's the time for allergies. I've been dealing with the sneezing, the congestion, the itchy throat, the sore throat, the coughing, the itchy eyes and skin. Some days it's bad, some days it's tolerable and some days it's REALLY bad.

Mike is still out of a job. It's been 4.5 months. We're hoping that this long period of time is just needed in order to direct us to the right job. I'm really trying not to get worked up about it -- I thought I was doing well with that, but maybe that's why I was having such health problems. It is stressful, and I do worry, but I'm really just trying to take it one day at a time, and hope that there's something out there that hasn't presented itself yet. We'll keep searching.

On the kid front - they are growing like weeds. My little boy, my firstborn; he graduated from preschool last week, on May 23. I've got a memory book of many things he's been working on throughout the school year, lots of pictures of him during class and their special events (fire safety, Halloween, his birthday, bike safety trail, etc). I can't believe my baby boy is off to kindergarten in the fall. High school graduating class of 2020!!!!!!

And my little princess. Getting ready to turn 3 the end of next month. THREE!!!! Already!!!!! She'll be having a My Little Pony party, and it's about all she can talk about. She's a bundle of energy, very much like her big brother. They both keep us very busy!

This Memorial Day weekend the rec center finally opened in our community. So there have been visits to the pool, and trying to workout on a somewhat regular basis.

Plus this time of year always brings a calendar full of events. Went to the Sox game last Friday, and this Sunday we'll be going to the Cubs game. We're seeing Michael Buble live in July, and I'm hopefully going on an overnight girls getaway in Galena in August. Not to mention the BBQs, birthday parties, Wii bowling nights, girl's nights, etc that are planned throughout the summer.

Busy time of year, but I sure do love it.

Single

I am going to be unvoluntarily single.

While this may seem like good news, to me, it isn't.

It looks as if Mike got a job. With Sbarro. He put in 5 years of his life with them when we were first dating/got married and he worked long hours, and was always away from me and the kids.

He has been frustrated in not getting any job offers in the last month. His explanation is that at least he'll "be working and bringing home a paycheck". Yes, while this is all fine and dandy, he'll also be gone and at work 55 hours a week (and I just know that'll end up being more, just like it did years ago) and I can guarantee he'll be working Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, just like he used to.

I work Monday thru Friday. My time off is evenings and weekends. Again, there will be no family time.

I guess we mean NOTHING. I guess a month (2 checks from unemployment) is just too long to have looked for a job. I guess it's more important to take the first thing that jumps out at you, even though it means being away from your family that much.

Well, let me put it into perspective -- is that job worth losing your family?

Think about it.

And it just keeps getting better

(sarcasm)

Seriously, it's only February and I'm already wanting to fast forward and get the hell out of the year 2007.

How is possible that so many bad things can happen to just one family?

Losing a parent, losing a job, and more sickness in the last two weeks than we've had nearly for a year.

Both kids had pink eye. Which Mike ended up catching. All of us had colds, so there was alot of coughing, sneezing and boogers in the house. Then my cold seemed to be on the up and out, which was rather surprising, as I'm known to have a cold linger for at least 2-3 weeks. Sunday night I end up with a horrible sore throat. It persists throughout the day yesterday (Monday). In the meantime, Kaelynn is running a fever. She's got the cold, and she didn't complain of anything else, so we treated it with pain reliever. Still has a fever Monday, so Mike calls the pediatrician. They want to see her. She's got a DOUBLE ear infection, and the pediatrician is shocked that she wasn't complaining since she's got PUS in her ears. Good grief. Here it is Tuesday. I'm still feeling crummy. Sore throat, neck hurts, glands are swollen, headache, queasy and I almost passed out twice at work. I finally leave work at 1:30 and head to the immediate care facility. I'm diagnosed with tonsilitis.

So, I've got myself a 10 day prescription of the biggest pink horse pills I have ever seen and my daughter has herself a giant bottle of pink liquid, which they graciously added watermelon flavoring to for her.

I just don't think we're ever going to catch a break. Just when we think things might be returning to normal, something else springs up.

No news on the job front. I thought maybe we'd have had good news by now, but nothing. I can't even begin to describe the emotional rollercoaster I've been on lately. Maybe that's why my health is going down the toilet. I had another mild "attack" tonight with my stomach issues, and I'm sure it has to do with everything going on right now.

Here I am ill, but planning to go into work tomorrow because, well, it's the only regular paycheck we've got coming in right now. Sure, I have vacation time - but do I want to start pissing it away a day here and a day there? Bills still need to be paid. I can't likely call a creditor and say "Yeah, well you know how it goes. My husband is between jobs right now, so I'll get you your money as soon as we have money coming in again".

And with being sick, and just not having the energy or desire, I haven't been listing much on ebay lately. I've managed to get a few auctions up here and there, but it's time consuming and I'm not that impressed with the way the summer clothing is selling right now. It is money, and I'll keep at it, but I need to be able to dedicate several hours a week to it for it to be worthwhile, and right now I can't give that.

All I have to say is this: 2007 sucks.

Remembering

A bit less than a year ago I was going through a pretty low point in my life, questioning who I was and where I was going.

I've managed to keep my head above water, sticking it out with my husband, feeling relatively normal. I was pretty close to throwing in the towel, and when I had attempted to do that, I was "disowned" by my family.

I'm not even sure I've spoken about it at length here. It hurts even today to think about my mother spitting the words "I disown you as a daughter" to me. It was extremely selfish of her, and I'm not being dishonest when I say that I will never forget those words, and that they have effected our relationship in a way.

I appreciate my mother greatly, and I will be saddened the day I no longer have her in my life. But believe me, when she so selfishly blamed me for my feelings, I'm surprised I didn't turn away and leave everything behind.

You see, the biggest reason she was going to disown me when I spoke the word divorce; it was all because of the house. I was being selfish because her and my father would need to find somewhere else to live. My happiness plays no part, I guess. Instead, we can live in a house filled with tension, anger and pretend to be happy.

Yes, last year I spoke the words to my husband of 5.5 years at the time, that I wanted to split up. And I was sworn at, belittled and disowned because I even thought of it. I had no choice. Knowing I couldn't do it without support, I stuck it out. And the biggest support I was getting - was from my husband.

I can't say that it's been bad doing so, but things are still not the same. I feel even a bit guilty that I've been lying to myself about how I'm feeling. This whole job loss has intensified everything for me. Now adding a worry of even being able to financially keep the house. Heaven forbid my folks need to find a new place to live because we couldn't pay our share of the mortgage. I'll likely be disowned then, too.

I realize that even if they were willing, we couldn't sell this house. The market is crap right now anyway, and the houses here are not selling, nor will they be as construction continues. Who's going to buy a lived-in house when they can have one of their own built? So, S T U C K is the word to sum up how I'm feeling.

I am not entirely sure I even know what I want. Well, if I did, it probably wouldn't be feasible at any rate, so why bother?

The only slight bit of good news is that Mike does have an interview tomorrow evening. This will be the third interview with this particular company, and we're hopeful that it will also entail a job offer. And I'm sure, as always, shitty hours. But, you do what you gotta do when there are bills to be paid. And you do what you gotta do to please everyone else, just stuffing your own feelings, pushing your own heart, to the back of the closet.

S . T . R . E . S . S

2007 is not off to a good start, AT ALL.

Braeden has pink eye. In BOTH eyes. I called the answering service this evening, and since I had to be put on hold, I figured it was a busy night. It had been quite a while since I called, with no return call from the pediatrician. In the meantime, B is complaining that he can't see. We decide that Mike will take him over to the urgent care so that we can get him on an antibiotic quickly, without having to try to get him squeezed in at his doctor's office tomorrow. Just as they were getting their coats and shoes on, the pediatrician called back.

Simply said "Yes, no doubt it's conjunctivitis" after I explained the symptoms and asked for the pharmacy number to call in a prescription. BLESS HIS SOUL! We've been having ridiculously cold weather here, and I just hated to have to take him all the way to the doctor's office for them to confirm which I guessed was wrong (as soon as I saw a slug-looking glob of boogery grossness coming out of his eye).

I know, it's not a huge deal. It's treatable, it's common and he's in school. It doesn't surprise me that he's got it.

It's just the timing. How much more can I handle?

We moved our office, and while we're settling in at the new space nicely, there is still alot to be done. I've been working harder, and even putting in some extra time.

Mike is still unemployed. He's had some interviews, he's filled out apps, he's been surfing Monster and Career Builder and the like on a daily basis. No bites so far. It'll be 3 weeks tomorrow since he lost his job. He's hearing from another manager that got fired that he and another manager were denied unemployment (I'm not sure the truth in all this, as in my experience at work, unemployment seems to side with the employee firstly, and the employer has a chance to appeal and fight the claim). It seems a bit early in the game for them to have downright denied them of any benefits.

So, I'm stressing. Trying to keep finding the positives in things, but it's nagging at me all the time. If something happens and the deny him unemployment (so far the paperwork we've received, it looks like he WILL .... but, now I'm paranoid), what on Earth will we do?!? I mean, unemployment is not the same money he was bringing home, but it's SOMETHING, and it's damn near better than NOTHING.

I get sick just thinking about it. I dread coming home or being in the house because it depresses me to think how much it could be hanging on the line. There's tension in the air, frustration, and fear. I'd almost rather be at work, and it just so happens with the move that I can be since there's so much to do.

I haven't had much time to list more things on ebay, but I've managed a few here and there, and have managed to make a bit under $300. It's good, but I've got to find the time and energy to do more and I just don't have it. I don't have the desire to either right now.

This whole week I've probably spent a total of maybe 2 hours on the computer (internet). And that's probably guessing high. I just haven't had the desire to surf the web, chat on my mailing lists or check into my community website. The only thing I have wanted to do is read. Maybe it's my way of escaping. I'm nearly finished with a book I just started, and I'm already eyeing the bookshelf to see what's next.

Other than my excitement to read, I could pretty much just cry.

Wicked Weekend

The news I received on Friday of my husband being unemployed was tough to digest and by Saturday I was feeling pretty down.

We got out as a family for a little while, heading to the mall to look for a birthday gift for my mom. We stopped in the Disney store with the kids, and they fell in love with these soft, adorable stuffed characters that look like they are wearing pajamas. Since we had returned some of their Christmas gifts, and had used that cash to purchase some things for us at the time, we 'owed' them. They looked adorable cuddling their new friend at bedtime that night. It was rather depressing, though, knowing that the money situation just isn't the same right now. Not that it was great to begin with, but at least we had two incomes.

I managed to do well with the birthday gifts - buying one thing on clearance (something she asked for) with in-store credit I had and another I ordered online and paid with money in my paypal account which was all earned from things I've sold on ebay. Moneywise, we only spent $12 out of pocket. I'll print her birthday card to save even more money.

That night a good friend a few doors down was having a gathering at her house. I wasn't feeling entirely up for it, but figured getting out was probably just what I needed. It was really great to get out of the house, and think about something else for awhile. I enjoyed being amongst friends for the evening, and before we knew it, it was 2am! It was off to bed as Sunday was to be a busy day.

Of course, the kids can't be quiet and let anyone sleep once they're up, so I was up before I wanted to be. This wasn't a bad thing since I had to get ready for the day. I went across the street to meet with the rest of the group, and we all headed out to the train station to get down to the city.

What a terrific time! We saw Wicked, which was just amazing. This was my first broadway show, and I loved it. It truly was a great, great show! Mike kept me up to date on the Bears game (Super Bowl bound, baby!!!!!) by text message to my cell phone, and the game ended as we were sitting in the restaurant waiting to order.

I really managed to "escape" for a little while, and my friends couldn't have been more wonderful. Simple gestures like paying for my train ticket or picking up the cab fare. It truly meant alot to me, as I still came home with money in my wallet that I can deposit back into our checking account to put towards bills.

Now I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, trying not to think about the fact that our income just took a loss of over 50%. Hopefully the job search will go well, and that we'll be a two income family again soon.

2007 isn't looking so great

So much for a new year. If it keeps up the way it has been, this may just be the shittiest year yet.

First Mike's mom. Then worrying about Braeden. Now? Mike is unemployed.

On Tuesday Mike found out that the GM of his store was being fired. This was actually not a surprise; there have been some issues there. So - whatever - didn't think anything of it. I actually thought maybe this was Mike's chance at being promoted to GM. Boy was I wrong. He ends up hearing from someone else that he's going to be fired. He approaches the area manager (whom he's worked with when he was with Sbarro years ago) and asks what's going on. He says "You want to know the truth?" .... and Mike finds out that his last day was going to be tomorrow.

The company says they are "reconstructing" or "remanaging" (Mike couldn't remember what term they used; I don't blame him -- I probably would have zoned out by this point) the entire Chicagoland area. Four managers all got canned (2 from each of 2 stores).

I'm not sure how the bills are going to be paid. And just another reason for me to be depressed.