That's All Folks

In a flash, it's all over with. A month of planning, shopping, decorating, baking and preparing, and it's all over faster than you can blink.

Our festivities started off on a very sour note. My family gets together on Christmas Eve. First my Aunt (my mom's sister) calls and says she won't be coming (no good excuse - she always does this sort of thing). A bit later, my sister calls. My mom already feared she was going to back out when the day before she coughed 50 times on the phone and told my mom she hadn't been feeling good for a couple days. Supposedly she had a 103 degree fever. Out of 7 family events this year, she's had excuses for 5.

I was pissed and probably didn't do the right thing - but I was tired of seeing my mom upset for the second time on Christmas Eve over her loved ones backing out (and we were expecting catering -- as it was, we ended up with 2 guests when we normally have 7, plus the 6 of us here.) So, anyway ..... I called my sister (home phone was busy - she probably kept it off the hook after the phone conversation with my mom, so I tried her cell) and it went into voice mail. I left a not-so-nice message and pretty much said, you don't show up, I'm not speaking to you again.

Unfair? I don't know - but I'm tired of every event, she's got an excuse at the last minute. I'd almost like to ask for a doctor's note. (sigh)

At any rate .... we had a good time regardless. Santa came last night, and left all the perfect goodies under the tree. I was incredibly spoiled (I scored 3 different digital photo frame goodies -- keychain, photo cube, and photo frame -- a FM transmitter for my iPod, lots of Victoria's Secret goodies, clothes, a loving family necklace, Willow Tree family plaque; plus we've got a good $150 in gift cards for restaurants and a nice set of fleece sheets).

I'm pooped, though. I managed to snag 6 hours of sleep last night, but I feel like it was a lot less. Either I'm just tired - or I'm coming down with something. I've been a bit achy today as well. So, it's off to bed I go.....life returns to normal tomorrow and it's back to work I go.

All clear

My mom's boobies are okay! She got the all clear today. Doesn't need to go back for a year. Everything is a-ok!

Thank goodness!!!!!!!!

Cubs Win!, but my mood just took a turn to quite shitty

Saw the Cubs play today. With the current losing streak they were on, I was hopeful it wouldn't continue and that I'd be attending a winning game. When they opened the game with base hits and a Grand Slam all in the first inning, I had an idea that it was going to be a great game. We watched as some dark clouds and cooler breezes rolled in off the lake, but the rain held off and the clouds rolled by to bring in sunshine for the rest of the game. The skies opened up as we were on our way back home after seeing the Cubs beat the Braves 10-1.

It was a nice day, but of course, there's something that can bring my mood back down. Reading up on some current events in some friends lives on myspace, and I come across someone that just started a new job - and their salary is listed as $75,000 - $100,000 a year. Yeah, I know you can lie (I've seen kids list $100,000 + and they are barely out of high school, so I'm sure they're full of shit), but the salary listed while at the previous job was almost as high. A college & grad school graduate, so I imagine there may be some hefty student loans to pay off, but with that pay scale -- how long could it take while you're single, renting an apartment and living the high life with nearly no responsibility other than some bills.

I guess I'm bitter. It's hard to be happy about something like that when my husband doesn't even have a salary right now, and likely will never make anywhere near that kind of thing. Not that I expect him to, but how is it that people just "fall" into these things?? Yes, there's the degrees and all that, but trust me when I say that I know good money was being made even prior to having the degrees to back it up.

We're barely making ends meet each month, and only because we're getting unemployment. That doesn't last forever (and it's been nearly 5 months), and I have no idea what we'll do if a job doesn't come our way soon.

I've been really trying not to fret over this, but I'm starting to really worry; really starting to get stressed. How much longer can we make it? Moreso, are we going to be forced to take a job that will take priority over family time?

I think that might be what worries me the most. I can't go back to him being gone weeknights and missing dinner with the family. I can't go back to him working all weekend long, missing out on chances for visits to the zoo, or playing in the backyard, or going over to the rec center pool. I can't do it ..... I enjoy the things we can do as a family, and as much as it has sucked for him to NOT be working the last 4.5 months, it's been wonderful being able to do things together.

Is it possible that he'll find a job, so that we can get by and that we'll still be able to spend time together as a family?

Single

I am going to be unvoluntarily single.

While this may seem like good news, to me, it isn't.

It looks as if Mike got a job. With Sbarro. He put in 5 years of his life with them when we were first dating/got married and he worked long hours, and was always away from me and the kids.

He has been frustrated in not getting any job offers in the last month. His explanation is that at least he'll "be working and bringing home a paycheck". Yes, while this is all fine and dandy, he'll also be gone and at work 55 hours a week (and I just know that'll end up being more, just like it did years ago) and I can guarantee he'll be working Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, just like he used to.

I work Monday thru Friday. My time off is evenings and weekends. Again, there will be no family time.

I guess we mean NOTHING. I guess a month (2 checks from unemployment) is just too long to have looked for a job. I guess it's more important to take the first thing that jumps out at you, even though it means being away from your family that much.

Well, let me put it into perspective -- is that job worth losing your family?

Think about it.

Saying Goodbye

Yesterday was rough. By the time we got home, I was completely drained. I came down with a cold this weekend, so that added to the fact that I was mentally dealing with the loss of Mike's mom....well, it took every ounce of energy right out of my body.

I'm glad that day is over. Walking into the funeral home, I had this sudden, overwhelming urge to turn and run. It was like a mini panic attack, and I felt like I was going to hurl at the same time. It's like it hit me -- we lost a PARENT.

Not a great-grandparent, or a grandparent, or a great aunt or uncle .... it was a P A R E N T. It made me think about my folks, and just how torn up I'll be when I lose them. God, I pray that doesn't happen for a long, long time.

But it's tough. His mom was 48. My mother is just weeks from turning 58. Everyone says, "Oh, they're not old!" ..... Well, no, they aren't, really. But when you just attended the funeral services for your husband's mother that didn't reach her fiftieth birthday yet, it's a bit harder to digest. Since my folks hit 55, I've cringed at every birthday that they've gotten closer to 60.

It's depressing to think about, and moreso depressing to sit here and blog about it. Someone, slap me!!!

So many losses, so little time

Mike's mom passed away yesterday. His cell phone rang just before 6:30 in the morning, and he groggily answered. He didn't need to say a word .... I just knew what the phone call was about.

We spent the morning and afternoon and in Kenosha helping to make the arrangements. The services will be Sunday afternoon.

It's amazing how long she held on and fought. We got the news that she broke her neck almost 3 weeks ago. She was just 48 years old.

I'm haivng a hard time coming to terms that my husband - who won't be 30 until April - already lost his mother.

He's really had a lot of losses within his family. His grandmother passed away in September 2004. Just this past October, he lost his grandfather. And now, his mother. Of course, we lost my grams in October 2005 as well.

It really does suck getting older.