I'm alive!

Sheesh. It's been awhile and for that I apologize. I just haven't had much to say. I've just sort of been trucking along these past few weeks, keeping busy with work, the kids, planning birthday parties and watching the calendar fill up for this summer.

The kids are officially on summer vacation. Today is their first day. How wonderful it was to not hear an alarm at 6:15 this morning (wait - I *did* hear the alarm because a certain someone did not disable it and then stumbled around the room to find the cell phone that was still hidden in some article of clothing, in a pile on the bedroom floor (and that's a whole other post in and of itself!).

Anywho....

Last Friday I took the kids to see UP. I didn't tell them where we were going; just to get in the car and they'd see. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I earned some points with them that day. They were well behaved during the movie, and we all really enjoyed it. Now I look forward to taking them to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs in September. And - I had no idea they were making another one - Toy Story 3 will coming out next June!!! I felt like a kid in a candy store during the previews alone. I love Disney.

So, I just wanted to pop in and give a quick update. I'm on vacation starting this weekend (technically it's a "stay-cation" because we're not going anywhere), but it's going to feel a whole lot like work because the week is just about jam-packed with things to do; parties to attend (2), parties to host (2), new baby to visit, and a concert to attend, just to name a few. Plus, Mike is working, so I'll be doing alot of this on my own (all aside from the parties to host, he will be home for that). Busy times!

Don't fret, I haven't jumped yet

Yes it has been awhile since I posted. There wasn't much I had to say. And there wasn't much desire to say or do much of anything (and as I type this, I'm listening to a commercial for cymbalta on TV).

Thankfully, I have good news. Mike got an offer from 1 of the 3 jobs that he landed second interviews with all in the same week.

It came right at the same time the rejection letter from unemployment came.

The same day that as I drove home from work, I contemplated driving my car into a telephone pole.

Let's just say I had a guardian angel, and I couldn't feel more thankful and blessed.

The last time we went through unemployment, it lasted 6 months. This time? 4 weeks.

Yes, I'm thanking my lucky stars.

I have never been more frightened in my life. And I have never felt so much like I wanted life to end.

So, he's already gone through orientation and will be starting training tomorrow. It'll be an adjustment for all of us, not just because he's been home the last month, but also because he'll likely be away from us more.

It may take me some more time to get completely back into the swing of things... Don't get me wrong, I'm feeling a heck of a lot better, but I'm still not entirely "back". Thanks for being patient with me...

Nothin' like kickin' ya while you're down

It's not like there hasn't been enough going on in my life. I'm barely grasping my sanity, my patience is tried on a daily basis and there are times I feel like exploding into a ball of rage.

Tuesday I noticed the underside of my chin was sore. Extremely tender and as I felt around, I noticed a lump. This has happened in the past, and it has resolved itself. This time it's a little more painful, and the lump is bigger. I ignored it as best as I could (which ain't sayin' much) for two days until Friday when I decided to call my doctor.

So, off I go to the doctor, where I explain what's going on, she checks me over and seems puzzled that this lump is not accompanied by any other sickness/symptoms. Then she whips out a little tape measure to actually get a measurement on said lump.

At this point, I'm starting to freak out a little.

She tells me that she's pretty certain it's an infection, but that she wants to send me for a CT scan. Right away. This is the point where the tears fill my eyes and she asks if I'm okay. Then the tears spill over and she says "You've been reading awful things on the internet, haven't you?" and I nod.

She says again that she is doubtful it's anything other than just an infection, but to go ahead and get this checked out, to be on the safe side.

I'm sent off to the waiting room with a script for an antibiotic, while they call my insurance to get it all approved and off I go to the hospital. I sit in the car a moment before I start to leave, and I call my husband to tell him what's going on. And I cry. And I get angry. And then I realize I need to concentrate on the road because even though the hospital is just 2 blocks over, I don't exactly want to end up there in a body bag.

I get there, and lucky for me, I find where I'm supposed to be on the first try. I get through registration, make my way through the maze of hallways back to where radiology is and then I wait.

And I try to keep my shit together because there's other people in the waiting room. But on the inside I'm FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. This is not something you exactly want to do on your own. I wished that I had someone - ANYONE - with me right then, if nothing but to just hold my hand while I waited.

I had no idea what to expect from this test - so imagine my surprise when I found out they'd be injecting me with iodine. The woman that did the scan was wonderful, and she explained everything and told me about how I'd feel a warm sensation throughout my whole body once she injected me, and that I'd probably have an icky taste in my mouth. It didn't take long, and other than the warmth and feeling like I peed my pants (the warm sensation doesn't miss ANY body part) and then the weird spinning I felt (I'm not even sure I can explain it - it wasn't the type of spinning that makes you queasy -- this was crazy spinning as if I was out of control and losing consciousness, but even that didn't feel the same like when you're about to pass out ... really it was just weird).

After the scan was done, she told me that since the doctor ordered it "stat", she wanted me to wait there for the results. This freaked me out even more.

And so I sat. For probably 40 minutes. When the woman came out, she took me aside and said she spoke to the doctor on call at my practice (not my regular doctor) and he said the results were normal and I could head on home and follow up with my doctor if I needed to.

I was relieved and immediately exhausted. It took so much out of me mentally & physically, it wasn't even funny.

I'm on the antibiotic now (taken 3 doses) and am waiting (not so patiently) for it to start working. The lump is still there, and it's still painful. I will follow up with my doctor on Monday, and hopefully by then it will have started to go away.

Mark of the Devil - Off my blog!

I logged into blogger to leave a comment elsewhere, and when I happened into my dashboard, I noticed the number of posts for this lil ol' blog....

It's 3 digits long, all the same numeral, that generally means bad things ....

So - this post is just so that the bad luck mark is gone, and that I'll have 667 posts!

Call me superstitious, but I'm not taking any chances. I've got enough bad luck going on in my life right now!

Therapy, Scouts & Parking Attendants

It's no surprise that I have not been in a normal state of mind lately. I'm struggling with my moods and often find myself in such a funk that I don't care to do anything.

Last week, my BFF calls me (I think she's making sure I'm not slitting my wrists or eating an entire bottle of pills) and we chat and next thing I know she's talking about kidnapping me that weekend.

She arrived at 9am Saturday morning and whisked me away to Galena, IL. It's about a 2 hour drive - and at one point I considered jumping out of the moving vehicle while she pressed on and made me reach so far into my brain that I thought I'd get lost in there.

I survived the car ride and we arrived in Galena ready to enjoy our girl's only weekend. Imagine our surprise when our first sight upon entering the town are poncho-clad boy scouts! And HUNDREDS of them. While she tried to run them all over find a parking spot, she commented on her knack of having the best timing.

We finally find a lot that's open with a sign that reads "All Day Parking". We wonder if we need to pay (most parking in Galena is free), and then realize we don't see any attendant anywhere. In the meantime another car pulls up, and we graciously let them get out first so we could follow their lead.

Just then, a pimply faced, rather large just-outta-high-school boy saunters over and sticks out his fat hand for his pay out. The occupants in the other car are conversing with him; telling him that he should at least turn the sign around to let everyone know that it costs $10 to park there prior to pulling in.

His comment?

"Well, then no one will come park here."

Seriously. He also had the audacity to say "You have the option to leave."

Listen here Hefty-Boy. I also have the option of punching you in the face.

I'm certain I saw him later in the chocolate shop buying his weight in fudge with a fistful of $10 bills.

Ups and Downs

There are decent days, there are bad days and there are days where I can't imagine making it thru the entire day.

I am bouncing around with emotions - from complete hatred, to disgust, to fear, to sympathy, to complete exhaustion.

Prior to the job loss event, I had plans to go out with friends to Dave & Buster's on Friday night to celebrate my birthday and another friend's. I still planned on going out, and hoped I'd be able to enjoy myself and not bring anyone down with my mood.

I got there and walked in to the table set with party decor; tablecloth and confetti, birthday balloons and a gorgeous cake.



There were presents galore, and best of all....friends. We enjoyed a meal together, laughed (alot!), and then hit the games for a bit of fun.

I've got wonderful friends, not only for remembering and celebrating my birthday with me, but for caring about me. Thank you so much: Kathy, April, Nicole, Jace, Tina and Caroline; for a night full of smiles, laughter and memories.

And a big thank you to my BFF, Melissa, for harrassing me by phone to check up on me, and not giving in to my bullshit, and for going the extra mile just to show you care.

When Life Just Really Sucks

I probably won't be posting much. I haven't had much to say as it is.

My husband lost his job today.

With my recent reduction in pay and hours, I don't know how we will survive.

I've Got Nothin'

I cannot think of an entire thing to write about these days. You'd think the fact that my 29th birthday was this weekend and my husband didn't even get me a card would be enough to warrant some sort of post.

Or that I almost wasn't allowed into the casino boat when my BFF and I went for my birthday.

Or the Adventures of the Ho-Mobile.

But, really ... I got nothin'!