Why can't we just win the lottery?

Then there wouldn't be any worries of Mike having to take a job working 55 hours a week and being away from his family.

:sigh: But until then, this is life.

Mike starts training for the new job on Friday. He "says" he'll talk to them about our plans that have already been made weeks in advance. We'll see what happens with that. All I know is that the next 4 weekends include many different family affairs, parties, weddings, etc.

But - I do have to mention this - Mike went to an "open house" of sorts for a job at Comcast. They had him do a series of "tests", which the way he explained it sounds as if the questions were comparable to those of which can be found on an IQ test. He must have done well, because they asked him to come back for a second interview next Wednesday. We'll see how all that pans out.

I did get some more info on the Baker's Square job. Schedule varies and he'd be working anywhere from 40 to 55 hours a week. I told him that 40 hours is ALOT different from 55 because with a salaried position, the more hours you work, technically the less money you make per hour.

So - as it stands, Baker's Square would be about $7-$8,000 more *yearly* than Comcast. BUT - if you break it down hourly (Comcast pays by the hour) - he'd be making MORE at Comcast if he was pulling 55 hour weeks at Baker's Square.

And with Comcast, he'd be home with his family one heck of a lot MORE.

Looking at the money aspect of it -- we could definitely survive on the income of Comcast. It'd be just around what he was making at LaVazza (actually, I think it's a *tad* bit more). So - it would be doable.

But, at this point, we're only heading towards a 2nd interview. It's not like a job has been offered. So - I'm really getting ahead of myself in thinking.

My moods swing from one minute to the next. One minute I want to just go running and not have to deal with this. And the next minute I think - yes, this may only be temporary and everything WILL be OK.

A Storm of Uncertainty

I don't want Mike to take this job. I REALLY don't.

He's having no part of even LISTENING to a word I have to say about how I feel about it.

He just feels that it's a JOB and that we NEED the MONEY - end of story.

He doesn't care that he may never get to spend quality time with us as family. It's like his 2 children don't matter one bit, because they will still have mommy home with them in the evenings, and mommy will be there on the weekends.

He doesn't seem to care that most nights he probably won't get to sit at the dinner table with us. Or the fact that it's quite possible he'll need to work on HOLIDAYS. It's a restaurant for Christ's sake!!!! Not all restaurants close for Christmas or Easter.

But, to him, that's okay, because mommy will still be home with the kids. And it's okay because he'll be bringing home a paycheck. SO WHAT???

What is the point in making money, if you don't get to ENJOY it? And not so much to go out on the weekends and spend the money, or go here, or visit there --- even just staying at home as a family and taking a walk to the park, or having a picnic, or playing video games. We won't be able to do ANY of that as a family. It'll always just be me & the kids while daddy is at work ALL THE TIME.

I'm feeling incredibly torn, and my stomach is in knots. I know he wants to work, and I know we need the money. BUT - he does have *some* money coming in from unemployment now, so it's not like it's ONLY my salary. He just doesn't understand my point that the "right" job could just be a couple weeks off yet.

Instead, he'll start training this Friday for a job that is most likely going to take him away from his family more than he's with it. AND - we have had things planned for the next 5 weekends which can just go straight down the toilet, because I can guarantee they'll still need to do training on the weekends.

I can't handle my husband being gone all the time. I cannot handle working full time, coming home to take on all the parenting responsibilities by myself, possibly getting 10 minutes with my husband if he happens to get home before I fall asleep so I can start my day all over again, and then being on parental duty by myself all weekend long with not one minute to relax or clear my head.

You know how I see this going .... me, at my wits end, totally exhausted from working all week, and then not having just a bit of help with the kids or around the house on the weekends, and keep repeating that process. I'll be burnt out in no time. Our marriage will go straight down the tubes, because there will be no time for romance, let alone even TALKING to one another.

So my question is this .... do I start filling out the divorce papers now or later?

A J-O-B

Just a few days ago, the first check from unemployment arrived. Today, Mike got a call and was offered a job. This is great news, as it's been nearly a month since he's been out of work.

But, I have mixed emotions about it. You see, the position is as an assistant manager (actually, a position lower than he was holding when he worked for LaVazza/Premium Espresso). BUT -- even so -- it pays $8,000 more a year. Health insurance after 90 days, 401k, etc.

So, it sounds great, right? Well, yes, on the money aspect of it all. But, it's the food service business. A restaurant. Chances are they close at 10-11pm. It's going to keep him away from the family alot more than I'd like.

But what can I do? We NEED him to work. We can't live on just my income. And alot of the other jobs he interviewed for were much less than we'd be able to work with.

I'm so torn. Part of me is happy that he'll be working, and we'll have a steady second income coming in again. But the other part of me is screaming "NOOOOOOO, NOT AGAIN!!!!!"

I really don't know ...... I want to cry. I feel sick over it. I do not want him to be away from us for 50 + hours a week.

Really, I guess I'm being a bit silly because we don't know what the hours would be as of now - and perhaps Baker's Square operates NOTHING like Sbarro did working their employees 12 hours a day. Maybe they have enough managers and assistant managers that they can work "normal" 8 hour shifts. Then again, part of me is saying, "Don't be naive. It's the restaurant business!! Long hours are a GIVEN!"

I just don't think I can handle him working ALL WEEKEND long like he did at Sbarro.

I wish I could hand over all these worries and make them go away. Or give me the answers so that I don't even need to worry.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa

Today my grandfather would have been celebrating a birthday.

It's hard to believe he's been gone 14 years.

I miss him alot. He died when I was in 6th grade. Missed out on so much of my life.

Graduating junior high, getting my first job, learning to drive & getting my license, graduating high school, getting engaged, moving out on my own, having my first baby, buying our first home, having my second baby, having our second home built.

I know he's probably up there watching over me, and I'm sure he's proud. But how I wish he could have been here to share in our joy. And how I wish he could have met my children.

Happy Birthday, Gramps. I miss you & love you, always.

Pet Peeve

When spammers come along and leave comments on my blog.

I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR SHIT .... GO SPAM SOMEONE ELSE!

The search continues

Mike is still searching for a job. I'm starting to get a bit of a nervous feeling in my stomach over it.

He has been practically glued to his laptop - surfing the web for job listings, sending out his resume and visiting sites like monster.com and the like.

He's also interviewed at several places so far. Nothing has panned out - some were just too low in pay.

One place did call him back and they want him in for another interview. It's for an online university. Hours don't seem to bad - and hey - it's like $10,000 or more a year than he was making.

So, I keep praying that an unbelievable job comes along soon. I just know there's something even better out there waiting for him.

We'll Never Forget ...... 9/11

It's been 4 years.

I still haven't forgotten that day.

I'm sure I never will.

In memory of those that lost their lives that day ......

We'll never forget.

5 years ago

Five years ago tomorrow I exchanged vows and became a wife. :) I can't believe it's been 5 years already. Then again .... ONLY five years? Some days hubby drives me so crazy it feels like it's been 25! Really, though ... it feels good to make it to the 5 year mark and still be going strong.

Two friends that got married the same year as I did, just a few months before us (one in April, the other in May) have already gotten divorced. Funny thing is, BOTH of them are already REMARRIED. Didn't waste time when it came to finding Husband #2.

So, hubby and I are planning an evening out tomorrow. Dinner and a movie. Except I have NO idea what movie to go see.

I'm thinking Charlie & the Chocolate Factory because I have been dying to see it since it came out - but I'm not sure if I can talk Mike into it. I think he wants to see it - but not sure if it classifies as "theater material" for him. Then I saw that Cole Hauser (YUM! HOTTIE!!) is in The Cave, but from what I've read the reviews aren't that great.

Anyone have any ideas on what movie to see??

Anywho ..... I'm sitting here in the computer room, the windows open and there is this gorgeous, cool, fresh breeze blowing in. It's wonderful. I can hear the sprinklers going on the freshly laid sod. There are 3 houses that should be closing soon - so we'll have some neighbors. In fact, the ranch directly next door to us already did their walk thru late last week, so we are assuming their closing is happening this week and maybe by this weekend we'll see just who our neighbors are.

So far it's been really nice living in the community. We're the only ones living on this side of the subdivision so far. There are probably about a dozen homes on the other side that already have people living in them. But we've walked around the neighborhood a couple times - and people are so friendly. They stop, wave, say hello ... even when they drive by in their cars they wave out the window. I hope we end up with neighbors that have kids the same age as ours. It would be nice to have some neighborhood playmates for them.

Well, it's nearing 9:30 now and I think I'm going to grab a refreshing can of Diet Coke, a snack and veg on the couch and watch some tv for awhile before bed. I'd like to get a good amount of sleep tonight so we can stay out a bit later tomorrow. Though, knowing me, I'll be ready for bed halfway through whatever movie we decide to watch! Actually going out for a night out sometimes makes me MORE tired than when we're at home taking care of the kids!!!